I can hardly believe how different one week (or even one day) can be from another.

My son had his 3rd op on Saturday, discharged Sunday-and life is sooooo different. We went to the dressings clinic on Mon + Wed, and are due back to see the Consultant tomorrow. The nurses all pop in to see us and to check how the wound is coming along. They have been complimenting my son on how he has dealt with his pain. He didn't keep a stiff upper lip-he acknowledged his agony, cried and squeezed my hand VERY tightly-but he didn't get aggressive or swear. I felt so proud of him.

Anyway, he is much more like

I'm blogging this because I need to lay it all out in front of me to understand why, when I finally got what I asked for, I feel so crap about it...

 My second marriage. Is it easy to remarry? It took me 15 years to do that. Is it easier to separate in a second marriage? I stayed for 3 years more than I knew I needed to because I couldn't face the perception of being a failure. Is it harder to let go of the 'marriage dream' the second time? Don't know. On the one hand, I think 'Been here before, know how it goes...' On the other, I know how valuable that hope is so cling to it all the more

Two days before my birthday (2 weeks ago) she phoned me and asked if she could take me out to celebrate, i didnt really want too but reluctantly agreed.

On the dreaded evening, she said as she climbed into the car that 'we wont talk about us, or the business and that way neither of us will get upset' (doesn't leave a lot left to talk about but what the heck i'm always up for a frigging challenge!).

She gave me my gift (Panasonic stereo, ipod ready!) amazing and off we went. she took me to a new, exclusive restaurant in Manchester and everything is going really well and we havent discussed 'Us