Ok so yesterday morning stbx was trying to ask me something to which I completely ignored as my new 'no contact' rule goes. She kept on until i said you do not exist to me anymore! You are dead to me. At this time out eldest was in the car and couldn't hear, stbx was upset she opened the door and said did you here that **** mummy's dead! I wave the girls off and walked back indoors. When she got home last night she said can we talk? Again I ignored her completely, she asked again and said please I'm begging you it's about the kids. Fine I said I said I would talk kids and that's it. So we

The big word in my life right now, acceptance. When will I get to that magic point when I know that's it, it's over forever. I'm getting there, a little bit more every day. The new stance of completely ignoring stbx is helping although obviously living together is hard. Im working hard to get to that magic moment, and I think it will be a big moment when I can finally accept that it's over, that the person I've loved more than life is gone. I'm close very close but if I said I'm there completely I'd be lying. Would I want her back? Maybe the thought if having her back and having the family

Morning all, no real blog today, little one woke me up at 6 after a few hours broken sleep, was putting the girls in the car and stbx asked if I want the girls Friday night otherwise they can go to my her mums, 'I've got an engagement party to go to Friday night' no it's fine I'll have them. I said to her you haven't got to lie to me. 'Im not lying I didn't say I wasn't going with him'. Why did that hurt so much? The thought that she will be at a party probably with people from her school and she will be with him, what dancing with him cuddling him? In front of everyone with no shame at