Whether I am divorced or not. I am still me.

Even though my heart is broken and my spirit is crushed

I am still me

With all that I have done and all that has been done to me

I am still me

With all my faults and my failures

With all my achievements and my successes

I am still me

No one can change that

No one can take away the little girl that needs to love and be loved

No one can cast aside the mature woman that needs to be cherished

No one can make my future but me

One day, I am going to look back and say to myself "Wow that was a tough ride, but I came through it in the end".

One day

Now I am really beating myself up. Am I feeling such pity for Him , that I wan't to make it all better. Or am I doubting my decision to seperate. If I was with him , all the money problems would be solved, the house renovations would get finished, my daughter would be happy, He would be happy.

What if I go back and I can never love him again, then it happens all over again. How do you know what love is, can you get it back again,with the trust etc.

To see him really hurts me, but is that love or what.

I just don't know.

It has been so many years since I have felt any love from him, my love went

I call this one has the world gone mad.  And by world yes it is a metaphor for my stbx, she was my world, she still is my world and I will only believe that she is not the day that my last breath leaves me.

For those who may have read previous info and maybe been in the chat room you will know that I returned from Tokyo on friday night to Holland and spent a night in the flat.  I called "home" and spoke to the kids - love them to pieces...  Stbx was odd and asked me where I was, I flippantly said I do not think that it concerns her.

This was primarily a response to what she said to me mid week