It has been a difficult few years. Redundancy, out of work, some short contracts and a general feeling of emptiness. Wife stepped up to the block and increased to 5 days work but this just added to tensions. Couple counselling started but wife pulled out unilaterally. Lots of slilent hostility and not much communication.

I am sure that you are all aware of the situation.

I started my own business which I think had legs bug wife furious because it meant sharing office space together at home and she wasn't consulted enough.

Anyhow 2 weeks ago in a desparate attempt to try and provoke a

Last few day's feelings: Definitely not coping

I've not been on here for a while. That's because I couldn't face it. I've used up far too much energy trying to appear normal to the rest of the world, particularly my daughter, when in fact I am dying. I think I'm putting myself through some sort of self induced torture to try and get all the emotion out in one go. However, I didn't realise just how intense those emotions would be.

The weekend was bad, the worst couple of days in my life, without wishing to appear too dramatic. It was a series of little things that built up and up to a big

No luck on the sleep front over the weekend. To be honest, my minds a bit blurred at the moment so some of this may be a bit jumbled.

Friday night X2B was out with her boyfriend (J). I went to bed as per usual but couldn't sleep. Must have nodded off and then woke at 3:00 with her not home. This is unusual as she normally comes in before 2 when the bars shut. So, as I worry about her, I agonised over texting her for half an hour then did so. She replied that she was having a fight with him and would be back soon. Couldn't get back to sleep after she came back so had about 3 hours