In reading other peoples blogs here I'm beginning to wonder if our financial settlement was unusual.

We owned our house outright.When he chose to leave , we split cars, savings etc right down the middle.Our pensions remain the right of its owner and should be worth roughly equal.I continue to pay our life insurances.If /when they pay out they will be split and saved for the children.

In order to let him buy a house I gave him( mortgaged the house) 1/3 of its value .He was happy enough to accept this.Now we both have mortgages of roughly the same amount.

We have two children under 16-He pays me

My first day truly alone yesterday, woke up alone, went to bed alone. I guess that has something to do with it. Had a good evening as it happens, drank a few beers, had a good chat to a friend, nothing special but real "me" time for a change.

However, this morning there were tears during the walk to work. Not full on crying but enough to make me put my sunglasses on which in the half light of 7:30am must have looked stupid. I thought I looked cool, the people I passed thought I looked like a tw@. C'est la vie.

There is an underlying bitterness that I have been suppressing for a while now

Last night in the empty streets I was alone with my thoughts, quietness filled me, shook my feelings, what would I do if I could only "rewind" my life... I wonder if I would repeat all my mistakes again and be here where I am today. These thoughts of my world are slowly crushed into broken images, of nothing and oddly enough I am not among them. I took a deep breath, can this be real, or I'm simply rambling. I don't know but I continue to let these images pass through my mind unceasingly... then moments later in the pin drop silence of the streets, I scream. But my silent screams are not