I can feel it the hollow The bottomless pit Trying not to disappear To fill my lungs with air The suffocation The blow to the chest Trying to find me All that i knew to be The emptiness The deafening cries Dying but still alive Trying to rise Crippled by humanity Wrong Wronged Am i wright? I just want to live To be sane To feel To

I still get little sharp stabbing pains in the heart, stbx seems to be in her going out a lot phase of separation. Separation from me, separation from OM. The I'm single so I'll be 21 again phase I guess. Friday nights out with her work friends. She would be the one to always drive as she never really drinks. Last two weeks it's been cabs knocking on the door for her. She went out Friday and my heart sank. I'm trying to let go and not think about it but this time it got me. I was laying on the sofa with my 2 year old reading her a story and all I wanted to do was burst into tears. I had

The roller coaster codntinues its journey. I'm going from some of the best highs I've had for years where I feel elated about the future to some dark black lows, mainly when I'm tired and the kids are fighting. Lack of sleep is dragging me down at times, last night was one of them. My youngest was being a handful and wouldn't stay in bed, my eldest came up and tried to help me, she's 8 and was being more of a mum to her little sister than her mum is at the minute. Cuddling her, singing her lullaby's. It made me come close to tears for the first time in a while. As you may know I'm a