At first I felt sick, lost. The world wasn't as I thought it was. It had to be my fault. I'd been told that often enough.

I couldn't sleep and then I slept too much. Day and night dissolved into nightmare. I tried to plan the future and, however I did the sums, I couldn't afford it.

The lawyer made it less exceptional. I was angry now. I couldn't forgive the cruelty, lies, deceptions that lasted years, the way I was always held to blame. (Was I to blame?, I asked myself and somewhere, in the back of my mind, I thought it was all my fault.)

Worst of all was seeing the children, whitely

Well that's it, consent order on the way, decree absolute to follow, freedom from that trailer trash bitch from hell at last, but at what price?

Emotionally I am bedraggled, mentally I am drained, and financially I am brassick.

After enduring the worst 20 months of my entire life, why am I not filled with glee that its over?

Some people compare the financial side to a game of poker but I would say its more Deal or no Deal. Which is all well and good if you have no money in the first place and are not gambling with anything you already have, but when you are gambling with your own pot, its

I haven't been on for awhile because i was on holiday. In reality i took 2 weeks off,stayed home to rest, and ended up so stressed by the end i have had to go to the doctor to get my meds increased!! I had a letter from my lawyer saying we could apply for the decree nisi even though my husband hadn't returned his court papers, despite the fact they were sent to him at the end of May!! When I asked him he said he thought they were just copies for him to keep!! He also hasn't done anything regarding his financial declaration. I just couldn't believe him and this is despite the mortgage, which