It's amazing what a difference a year makes. I'm no longer tense and anxious - I no longer feel physically sick at the sight, sound, thought of my x2b. His messages don't through me into a state of anxiety.

Nothing is sorted out. I still don't know what my future will be or if he'll hang on for ever with delays and more delays. But I've got used to that too.

Importantly, the children seem much happier and more settled than they have been for years. Of course they don't like the separation but what went before was pretty bad. Now they have a mother who has the confidence to run her own

It's 3.15 in the morning. I ought to have gone to bed before midnight. There was too much to do. Now, if I go to sleep, I might miss the alarm. And I absolutely have to get up in the morning. Insomnia would be better. Sleep would be better still.

My eyes feel as though they're coated in sawdust. My skin prickles. Wine would be good but it might send me to sleep. Coffee could send me spiralling out of control.

I wonder if there are ways to go to sleep and ensure I wake up in two hours. How much do I have to do first?  Washing up - there's always washing up. If it weren't for the

I'd like more sleep.  I don't have time for more sleep.  It's past midnight and I'm still up, trying to focus on work.

 Some days are like that.

It's remarkable how unstructured my life is.  Of course, there are things I have to remember (school, office appointments, doctor, etc.) but some of the everyday structures seem to have been removed.  For a lot of the time I can work from home, so home becomes a messy, unsuitable workplace.

I used to have a social life - a long time ago.  It's a shame my really good friends live far away.  It would be good to have an evening out with friends - but