Apologies for stealing your username mate but right now that't the best phrase I can use to express my emotions.

Unlike so many people here my low mood is not due to x2b or divorce.In fact I couldn't care less-I just wish he'd get the hell on with it.

He broke my heart 18 months age and it's healing.I wouldn't have him back now if he won the lottery....or would I?????

My spirits are down because of

a) My 15yo teeny who has driven me to the edge of sanity and

b) my poor Dad who has been in hospital for a week.He's doing OK but at 84 any illness is a worry.

It puts things into perspective

I'm fed up being a single parent. I don't want to play this game any more. I want to go back to how it was before!!

It's tiring,frustrating and the hardest job I've ever done.

I'm fed up having to decide, having to organise, having to do, having to drive,having to say no and having to do everything else myself.

It's not what I signed up to 19 years ago and it's not

In reading other peoples blogs here I'm beginning to wonder if our financial settlement was unusual.

We owned our house outright.When he chose to leave , we split cars, savings etc right down the middle.Our pensions remain the right of its owner and should be worth roughly equal.I continue to pay our life insurances.If /when they pay out they will be split and saved for the children.

In order to let him buy a house I gave him( mortgaged the house) 1/3 of its value .He was happy enough to accept this.Now we both have mortgages of roughly the same amount.

We have two children under 16-He pays me