One of the first questions you might ask yourself when love breaks down is, how can I ever fully trust someone again?
It's such an uncertain world right at the start, some of us have the ability to just kiss the past goodbye, lots of us don't. So we mill over and over the issues that caused it to come to break up stage, we try to find the reasons it happened; if it was anyone's fault.
We have so many restless, confused nights, we cry enough to make a new pond/lake/river/ocean... We go through all of the emotional stages such as hurt, lonliness, anger, acrimony, you name it, we go through it. And when we are done with all of that, there's the ghastly realisation, that when all the emotional trauma is over, we've somehow got to figure out how to begin to trust again, that is, if we want a new relationship.
So how do we get to that place, where we can give such a large part of ourselves to someone new and hope that they reciprocate? Just as importantly, how do we know when we are truly ready? 'Tis often said that we have to learn to love ourselves first, when we are fresh out of a break up. I would say it's more a case of trusting ourselves.
Ever bought a new item that stays exactly where you put it when you first got it home? What happened to your decision to buy it? You trusted your self to get it, yet it wasn't your best choice. Do you feel you wasted your time and effort getting it, did you learn from it?
So, ok, that is sort of a metaphor for the patterns we use to make our decisions. Using that metaphor, try to look within yourself and ask yourself how you, as an unique individual, do the decision making in your life.
Most of us are fairly happy with what we have around us (our choices), but do we maximise our decision potential? If we don't, then we are more likely making decisions in a not so beneficial 'for ourselves' way. Basically we mess up on our self trust, and we experience the consequences.
Not everyone in life can be trusted, so take your time, put out emotional feelers and if something turns out not to be what you need in your life, learn to move away from it. If it doesn't feel quite right, but you kinda think it'll be ok, don't trust yourself at that stage. Wait a bit, miss an opportunity, take it slower, and don't get hurt, you'll be doing your heart a favour.
They say a broken heart, a bruised heart, a heart torn in two, a damaged heart. They say our hearts need time to recover. If only a sticky plaster could heal our hearts, it would be so much easier, (oh-oh! metaphor stuff again).
There are many different types of sticky plaster and they all do the same job, right? No, not right. When it comes to the heart, it's a bit different because the wounds are emotional not physical.
List of heart sticky plasters and what they do:
A clear sticky plaster: We mend but we leave a lot of our heart on show, open to the world. Metaphor - You cover the actual wounded bit, but don't want others to think it affects you that much, so you don't draw attention to it. Will you be alright if your emotional wounds aren't considered?
A plastic one: It covers our wounds, but it doesn't move with our heart as it flexes. Metaphor - People can clearly tell you have a wound there, but you are not going to let your heart flex very much. That may be a good thing, just be careful to not over restrict yourself.
A material one: It covers all, it moves with our heart. Metaphor - Says you've been hurt, you don't mind who sees that, you need that pain to be taken into consideration, you are not a closed book, you are serious about healing and not getting hurt while you do.
A material one with a smiley face on: As above but with a bit that makes us happy which in turn helps our phsyche. Metaphor - Again as above, I'm adding here that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being positive when you have broken up with someone. It doesn't mean that you never cared about them or that you aren't hurting, it simply means that you are doing your best not to slip under the emotional waves and drown in your own sorrows. No one can say that is a wrong thing to do, we are all different. Keeping our morale up may just be a way of getting through the bad times, I think we can allow ourselves that.
Trust & Sticky Plasters on your Heart:
Bringing those two together here, brings me to these points I'd like to make. It's not so much a case of not rushing straight into a new relationship, I'm sure lots of you have read peoples' advice to not do that; it's more a case of making absolutely sure you understand your own mind and decision making processes, (self trust) before you do. Also that you come to terms with the sacrifices you may have to make while you let your heart heal, (which sticky plaster to use). So before you get back into starting to build a new relationship, be kind to your heart and really listen to it, truly know what it needs, not just what you first think it needs.
Understand why you make wrong choices or choose the wrong person, or why you let them choose you. Revamp your personal boundries. It's amazing what you can teach yourself, by meeting new people and not rushing in. Looking back isn't always a bad thing, it helps us to know what not to take forward with us.
An unhealed wound will bleed more easily if you hurt it on something again.