Had a really tough day yesterday. Emotions up and down sometimes by the minute. I hate these feelings, from the dark depths to feeling so positive about the future in the space of a few minutes then back again. Felt very alone at work yesterday. The lack of sleep isn't helping my moods. Thinking about Christmas a lot as the Christmas songs start to play on the radio I can't bear to listen to them. Through reading other wikis posts I've noticed that it takes a long time to get over something like this, years. I had that thought in my head all day, am I going to feel like this for years?

Ok probably not what you think from the title of this post and I'm sure most of you would like to give the finger to all those that have hurt us. But no this is about my wedding ring finger, and what I've noticed. I still go to twirl my ring around my finger when in feeling anxious or nervous and the little shot of pain I get in my stomach is still strong when I remember it's not there anymore. I loved that ring, I loved wearing it it didn't come off my finger once in 8 years. It made me feel safe, content. I was married everybody could see it, it was like a beacon of my life, I always

It's Friday, I was feeling ok, work early finish early pick the girls up, have, dinner, play, perfect. But it's not perfect is it, it's far from perfect. Stbx came down this morning and although I try not to eve look at her I see the overnight bag again. Yep she's off out to her party and will sleep over with him tonight, I don't care let her get on with it. But that's a total lie, I do care, it kills me when I see that bag, knowing what she's up to why I sit looking after our little girls. The ache in the pit of my stomach is strong, the tears are but I'm fighting them. She said to me will