I don’t think about him that much any more. Well, until he sent me a great long email late last night, which I found agitating. But leave that aside, I don’t think of him that much. My mind is stiller, though he still occupies a bit too much of it, too much of the time. No longer in a panicky way, definitely not in a wanting him back way, more a kind of musing about how things turned out and why. Home now is quite a long way out of town, and I don’t often have occasion to go in. The fare alone is crippling while I am still not working and struggling to pay bills. But funnily enough,

Well, I suppose the one thing I have learned from this is "never say never " Money I swear is a terrible thing. And then have only one person earning it and the other a sign on the fridge "IF MONEY DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY, YOU DONT KNOW WHERE TO SHOP " And now the day is coming closer and closer for me to say, thank you for everything but I would like to have a divorce. It is kinda strange, it was just tonight that I decided. On my own here in a hotel working hours from home saying to myself "well, this is not gonna work" . So she is going to get her last chance now but I know I

Well, I think I am at the worst place for me. I never thought I would have to say NO and leave it at NO. 5 years ago this almost happened as well, I got chatted back in and now things are even worse. Money, I swear is a terrible thing. One should never earn it and the other enjoy to spend it. Not me working from a cheap hotel in N-England and she lives in the rented mansion in London. When you get to the spot when you say "well not this year again, now I am going to tell the guy NO, and we are going to leave" and then, I swear it is not fair you start getting the messages of she will