I've been doing a lot of soul searching this week. Thinking about something I read and also shoe girls advice in my last blog. I have had two horrible dates over the last couple of weeks, I say horrible they were actually very sweet guys, but just not what I was looking for and had to do that awful and embarrassing thing of telling them, there was no spark. Then spending the next couple of days feeling very low and lonely. I had arranged another for tomorrow but after making the arrangements my little inner voice started screaming at me! What on earth are you doing?? Why are you making

I don't know why going on a date has made me feel like this but I met a guy yesterday from Plenty of fish. He was nice but didn't feel right for me so won't be seeing him again. This was my first date since splitting from boyfriend of 5 months (this was my first relationship since marriage breakup) came home and felt totally deflated and have felt anxiety building since. I came away thinking just how hard it is to meet someone nice, someone I might have a long term relationship with. Also came away thinking how bl..dy unfair it is that I'm going through all this crap while they live in

do I really want to get back in the dating game? I don't know, joined a dating sight a couple of weeks ago and have been exchanging emails/texts with a couple of people met one for a coffee last week was nice enough but no spark on either side. Met another one sat night, he was nicer got on fine but just don't fancy him, suspect he's going to ask me out again though if he doesn't that's fine. only thing is im not even sure I want to be back in all this!!!! am I only doing it to prove something, if so will it prove anything except for that I can find random people on the internet that would be