I'd love to be able to write a nice piece about how my life is so much better now, years after the fall out from my ex leaving me with all that entailed for my 2 young children and I at the time.
The dread of not seeing them on a daily basis was crippling at times but I was fortunate as a father to get multiple nights per week access. It felt the least I deserved.
Less than a year later my ex was married and nothing seems more difficult than another man raising your children taking the rsponsiblity away from their father.
My 2 children are now at high school, they are becoming older, one wiser, one more emotional and the same is probably true of myself lately.
Dealing with a teen I am finding really difficult and made more difficult by my situation still being compromised by not being settled in my own home. Lord knows its not easy getting on the housing ladder when you split but hopefully that may finally end soon (I've been saying that for years). It seems my teen knows just how to push my buttons and recently I've struggled to contain my emotions. It always seems to be me who is wrong and the more I try to explain things the more it feels my teen edges away from me.
Child maintenace feels like a joke. The money I have to pay could go up at any time like a massive hammer above my head waiting to fall. Its stuck there for the foreseeable years. Where does the money go? What is it spent on? I have no say, but its not me with the house with new kitchen, lounge, bathroom, conservatory, garden, extension, new cars, 2 holidays abroad on average per year. I could be wrong of course and the money only goes on the children but somehow it just doesn't seem fair.
Now my son was not well this morning at school and my ex and her partner were away so who rides to the rescue, the replacement Dad when they were already supposed to be with me all week as a favour to them. Its like here you go, do us a favour and look after your own kids for which I got little thanks. Then a call out of the blue that he's not well and not can I go get him, but the replacment is on his way, 5 hour drive. I'm 30 mins away at work.
My head is not in a good place with this. It seems I'm getting kicked and kicked and kicked again and that continues whenever they feel like it. If I say anything, it comes out wrong and I suffer more. If I don't say anything then I'm just rolling over.
They may not even be aware of how much impact they have on my life and yet I'm supposed to smile and keep the peace all the time. I'm really struggling with that. Its not easy seeing another man look after your children, least of all one I have no respect for apart from the saving grace he does care for them.