Ok, so last week I was told that the ex has had thoughts about us being friends.... it bugged me a little if I'm honest as my life is so much better/happier/brighter when I don't have to deal with the lying, cheating little weasel.
Anyway, speaking to my sister on Friday and she tells me that he has been in touch to ask how things are going, and would she call him to 'chat'. My sister is unsure, she doesn't want to upset me by speaking to him, but she also wants to find out what he wants so she can let me know (sisterly loyalty :)) I told her that she can tell him anything she likes as long as he doesn't find out where I live.
I woke up on Wednesday morning, crying and breaking my heart because I had had a bad dream.... in my dream I had been told that my ex had died and I went to the funeral, I asked his family if I was welcome and they looked through me as if I didn't exist!! I was heartbroken that he had died and when I woke up, I was hysterical.
Anyhow, I got up, sorted myself out, went to my sisters to drop my dog off (doggy day care) and when she opened the door she told me that she had just got off the phone to my ex... he was fine and had skirted around every issue, he had tried several times to get onto the subject of her 'family' (brothers and sisters) but she had evaded each question and never once mentioned my name... she said he tried a couple of times to ask about me but she just changed the subject.
Now, I was relieved to know that he was ok as the dream was just horrible, but the dream has made me feel selfish and uncaring because I do not want to speak to him or interact with him.
I don't seem to be able to shake the feeling that I am in the wrong.
What the bloody hell is going on and why now after all this time. I lay in bed last night, afraid to go to sleep incase I had more bad dreams. I've said it before, I don't wish him any harm, I don't really wish him anything, but the idea of something bad happening to him makes me hurt.
Very confused and worried now.