i have not blogged in awhile but felt like talking to somebody.summer came and went the cottage where i was to start my "new life"has been sold and i am now staying in my family house on the beach.pretty lonly here but i do get into the city from time to time.problem is that i do not do anything but sleep,watch t v maybe go up to the pub for a bite and a ballgame from time to time.the divorce came through during the summer and i did not even open the papers..what is the point i know what they say.i know that i have to move on but i am stuck in a routine that even now i am getting worried about.when i am invited ( yes i wait for an invitation) to a social scene i fess about it,worried that i can be social,engaging etc for more than a couple of hours.i usually have a good time and then i think i am breaking out of it all and then it is right back to the t v and the bed.
the real problem is that i have no one but myself to worry about.before it was the wife,the dog,the house,the job that took up my days and the days,weeks,years just flew by.now that it is just myself in a beach community that has gone home for the winter it is just me.i can do this today or i canjust wait until tommorow it does not matter .
i am waiting for some financial matters to be resolved so i can leave and go back to the house that used to be a home that me and the ex still jointly own.she is opposed to that but why should i pay rent when i co-own a house.i am not even sure,as i was about a month ago,that i want to.
although i feel that i am not depressed i am sad and have no idea what is coming next-do we ever?
so i stay up watching the telly as you in England say,sleep dream and then get up and do it over and over and over again.thank god foer the public libary for internet access so i have someplace to go but it is going to snow soon and then what-we shovel it you would say but do i do it today or tommorow.
i guess what i am trying to say is that without all of the "distractions" of life i really do not have any reason to get up in the morning/afternoon except to do it all over again,day in and day out.i feel that something will change but this has been going on more or less for about 10 months now. oh well