I noticed my last blog was on the 27th July so I'd thought I'd fill you all in with all what is going on in Hughie's little life.........
Yesterday I had a shocker, all the training I've had from you lot fell out of the window yesterday!
I was informed last week that my STBX is moving into a new house not far from where I live and would be coming on Saturday (yesterday) morning, (10am) to pick up the spare bed, a towel (?), and all her work stuff that is lying about the house, ok so far, I thought. My motto in life is fail to prepare, prepare to fail so I took it upon myself to get all the bits requested ready in the front room so she could pack up in minutes and get the hell out of the house, so with the help of my Dad on Friday we did just that. My Mum (bless her!) knew how tense I was and stayed with me on Friday night for support.
At 10.45am the STBX rolled up with her entourage, my brother in law (my ex best mate) and her best friend's husband in his work van. I was very, very tense and felt really angry and I am not sure why, even now? Anyway, they came in and STBX was surprised everything was ready and said she wanted a few more bits and would it be ok to go around the house and pick them up? I knew I was losing it more and more and we went around the house picking up the most trvial of things needed for her house but I guess they are all hers and it's only fair.......
As I walked past my BIL I made a catty comment (I know!!) and he bit back, I then in anger smashed a cup of coffee and went out of the house to cool down, my BIL chasing after me to hit me and my STBX screaming. My Mum managed to stop them both coming after me telling them to leave me alone and BIL grabbed my Mum and told her "he has to learn." My STBX also said "this is my house as well you know?" My daughter upstairs is now hiding. :(
I was crying at this point and I asked STBX if she would spare me 5 mins alone, she agreed and I spoke about how moving out was always going to be hard for me. She told me that she wanted to move out without myself or my daughter being there but that I wouldn't let her do this. I told her that because she has treated us so badly, I was worried what she would take and wanted to be there. STBX then informed me that has she has never treated me badly and has been only fair........... The old Hughie temper had had enough and I said two words that I'm sure you lot can well imagine and walked off as I needed 10 mins on my own.
I returned home sobbing uncrontrollably and spoke to my Mum who was also crying :( . We had a hug and a cup of coffee and tried to take stock of what happened. My Mum told me that STBX is winding me up on purpose and that I shouldn't of bit (I know this now) and to play her silly game, use self preservation and get angry when she leaves.
So, in essence, I'm the bad guy yet again. I guess I am still a long way off getting over my STBX and yesterday was a blip. I am very upset about what my STBX has put us all through. I swear she feels she has done anything wrong and that this is what happens when you call off a marriage and fall out of love with someone after having an affair. The partner just has to accept it and say, "Ok, no problems, it was really great being married to you, see you around......."
I am doing really well. I listen to ALL advice given and adhere to it (most of the time!). I am rebuilding one day at a time, but when "sticky" situations happen like they do yesterday I am only human and cannot accept that an affair is ok, so I lost it yesterday as I feel I was pushed.
It's funny really as I was quoted as being a domineering bully in our relationship in the divorce. The irony that is before me is that she is in fact the bully.