I haven't written in a while and I feel it really helps me to write down and share my divorce experience with you all.
Lately, my stbx and myself have been getting on a little better. We even managed a coffee together at Starbucks! Anybody and everybody have been commenting on how I need to be a little tougher to stop the trampling from her but I do try and refuse to be walked over.
This week, things have changed. My stbx had words with me concerning the state of the house (I live in the FH, she moved out to her brothers) as it is in a state. This is very true as I've let things go because she wants to sell. I feel why do I have to fall off the housing ladder I worked very hard to get on to because of her mistakes? The only thing I have to look forward to is a council flat. (I'm sorry if this offends anyone but I have worked jolly hard to get off it) When I say I've let things go, I only mean the outside of the house with the bushes and grass that are overgrown. Inside is fine (I think anyway!!)
I couldn't care less about the house anymore, it certainly doesn't feel like a home anyway. There is no equity in it and we will only be left with debt. I'd rather be bankrupt than divorced.
Her brother (my best friend) popped over on Monday evening and as soon as he arrived the personal attack started. He commented that I must get a full-time job and to forget about university to start paying my way and to start decorating as I have a lot of time on my hands (have I?) in order to sell the house.
Hughie bit I am afraid and asked her brother to leave. I told him some home truths about his "special" sister and how wicked she has been and mentioned most of the things she has put me through. " He laughed sarcastically and said "divorce and separation happen all the time." I also said to him that I hope he doesn't ever have to turn up on my doorstep crying because he has a broken heart.
Of course he is going to side with her, I know that, but I am simply fed up of her family telling me what I can and can't do. They are such an old fashioned dysfunctional family and have no right to tell me how to live my life when they all need to look at themselves. I've never met such a closed up family in all my life.
Her brother also mentioned the OM. He mentioned how much she likes him and how he hasn't met him yet. I "dropped" in the conversation how his sister is a "mistress" (he has a long term partner) . Again, he laughed and said "this happens all the time" - Does it?? He mentioned how she feels nothing for me anymore and I don't know why but this really, really hurt me.
My AD's are working at last, there are no tears for now which is such a relief. I would cry at the smallest things and it got to a point where it was a little embarassing. I know my problems have been put to the side for now but the AD's have worked so that can only be a good thing as I was really down.
Next week I have a meeting with my solicitor. The petition has been received and we are to discuss what happens next. I haven't a clue and for my own sanity, I welcome the divorce and want it over and done with. There are only 2 people who know the real truth in all this mess and I know I am on moral high ground.
I have had my daughter in my care since last Friday morning. Don't get me wrong, I adore my precious time with her (as you all know) but I am starting to get a little fed up with the tears of "I want my Mummy." My stbx won't be home until Thursday evening and that will mean nearly a week where she hasn't seen her daughter. I feel this is not good enough, her career is not as important as her family. I know the reason why she goes of course (she works in Wales, we live in Sussex) it is the only chance she gets to see the OM. There are some things more important in life than money and sex. (although I'm not sure what..........!!)
Anyway looking forward to meeting up with you all on Saturday again. How many people???!!!!!!