Hello everyone - what a wonderful site.
My first blog - I suspect it will be a long one - so please bear with me.
My wife and I have been together for 19yrs - 15 of them married - we have two children, a daughter of 13 and a son of 11.
3 Months ago she asked for a divorce. To a certain extent I understood, we had been going nowhere and drifting along along for 18 months - in March last year we went to counselling and even that ended in apathy. We ended up talking mostly about her insecurities and problems in life, which I think made her uncomfortable - we went away on holiday had a lovely time but soon we were back into the same old rut. Which resulted in her announcement. I knew it was coming as she had been
horribly cool with me since Jan, but for some reason I didn't do anything about it.
For many years my wife had been on anti-depressents - 8yrs actually, on and off. She came off them at the start of the year and that cleared her head which I was delighted with. She then started taking Reiki classes and devouring books
like the Celestine Prophecy, clearly she was looking for some meaning in her life and I supported that too.
Then her coldness became more and more apparent resulting in the demand for a divorce.
Obviously I was shocked and hurt, but I reacted in a fairly calm manner - even when she asked me to leave our home. I wrote here a short letter a couple of days after her demand and we discussed it a few days later - I talked about how unhappy I was with life in general and our relationship and if she really want to seperate then obviously I had to accept that, but I asked for he to make it easy for the sake of the children. In that discussion a few days later, she let the damn break and launched into a character assassination of my personality that I was taken aback at.
I accepted it as I knew things would only get worse if I defended myself.
Clearly this saddened me a great deal, but I got on with life and tried to sort things out. I explained to her that financially, I couldn't just leave and we would have to sell the house. This hacked her off, obviously she wanted me out of her life. But I said I would not leave my children until I had to. My wife runs her own small business, which we had always looked on as the family business - I took a lower paying job that enabled me the flexibility to help more with the children and in Jan this year my wife started expanding it, moving to new premises and employing
another woman (who coincedentally was also a big fan of the Celestine Phrophesies). This expansion put a great deal of financial strain on us, but it was an investment for the future, which I was happy to support.
Things got worse in the house - I was in the spare room. I spent two weeks of real soul searching and then sat down and wrote her a long letter, it expanded on the first one, but went into more depth about how I had realised how unhappy
I was - about how I was making myself a happier person and that I didn't want the marriage to end. This threw her off course and we talked more, she said she needed to get away to think and I happily agreed. But as the weeks went on she started
treating my badly, until she once again launched into another verbal attack on me, demanding that I leave the house and get out of her life. A couple of days later I told her that our daughter had cottoned onto things and I had told her about
our troubles - this made my wife think twice and a couple of days later, she was on a plane to Spain for a weeks holiday with the fellow Celestine Prophecy fan (which did not make me happy, but there you go).
When she returned she said she wanted to try again - but I knew from that first kiss and cuddle her heart wasn't in it - we talked at length about how both our actions had caused this and how we had to change, I was happy to - as I said earlier I
had been making changes to my life and personality that was making me happier and was delighted we were going to try again.
This was 7 weeks ago, 3 weeks ago I noticed her starting to cool again, until a week ago I confronted her and she said it was over. I was not crestfallen as I could see it coming, I mostly felt angry as I knew she hadn't given it a chance.
I reacted by being professional about things and detailing what we had to do to get the house ready for sale - this hacked her off as she wanted me out again. I calmly told her that I had not changed how I felt and would not leave my children until
I had to. She seemed to spend the rest of the week ignoring things, we told the children on the Thursday night which was the worst thing I have ever had to do and then we had an argument on Friday night, it was a biggie both of saying not
very nice things, but to a certain extent it cleared the air.
I then sat down and wrote her a long letter about how I really felt, about how I had come to the conclusion that she had never shown me enough affection (which she had admitted that night earlier) and that was partly responsible for our marraige
collapsing. I asked her to do the same, write me a letter to let all the hate out, so that we could have closure to move on.
Astonishly she ignored it, never brought it up once until I brought it up last night. She said she has to forgive me and herself before she can talk about it - sorry but that is mealy mouthed nonsense, she doesn't want to confront her role in demise
and is happy blaming me. Last night I also got an anonymous email saying she has been fooling around with another man - she denied it, but I can't help thinking she is lying. It doesn't matter if she is, the marriage is over but it's just another
lie in the whole sorry end.
I know my wife's life changes have resulted in her wanting a new life, I understand that - but my god it's hard at times.
Phew, I certainly got that off my chest. The past two days however have seen a change in my emotions, clearly I am grieving the loss of our marriage and it's a bloody horrible feeling - I know it will pass and I know this site will help me as it's
full of lots of caring people.
Thanks for reading.