Everyone here has a story and it really helps to lessen the isolation knowing others are out there. This blog may be very long, too long for anyone to read but by God do I need to talk. This is my story.
For years I lived alone with Alex (my now 13 year old son) and enjoyed life. I had a great job, good circle of friends, good family support and a fun social life. In 2000 my Mam died suddenly at 54 and as we lived together and she minded my son, things changed drastically. The family has now completely disintegrated and the loneliness and isolation felt was huge. I moved house and in the midst of all this upheaval, I met him..........
From the start he made me feel special.Whereas before after a date you'd wonder if you'd see the guy again, he told me I was the most special person he had ever met and that he would always love me. One day we were walking down the street and he stopped and looked at me and said he couldn't understand how people didn't stop and stare at me as I was so beautiful. Naturally, I fell for it hook line and sinker and as he slowly started moving into my house I willingly gave him control of my life.
Things started to sour quite fast. The first time we went out with my gay best friend and his partner, he caused a scene accusing me and my friends partner of having an affair and openly flirting. He followed me to the ladies where he continued to shout at me through the doors and as I sat on the toilet crying, I wondered what had I done wrong to upset him so much. When I came out of the toilets, he accused me of going off with someone in the ladies so I spent the night tring to explain my behaviour and apologise to him. When he did calm down, I was so relieved that he "loved" me again I rationalised his unreasonable behaviour and ignored my friends pleas "to dump the psycho".
This scene was replicated so many times that eventually all my friends refused to spend time with him and as he didn't like me going out with out him, my social life was restricted to lunch time meetings. It still didn't stop his jealousy though as when we were in restaurants, he accused me of looking at the waiters. In the end I kept my eyes diverted downwards and allowed him to order for me. I took his jealousy as a sign of his all encompassing love.
He moved in with me and my son but didn't pay any share of mortgage or household bills as "i'd be paying them whether he was there or not" and didn't acknowledge that my shopping and bills had increased leaving me quite tight. However, with no bills to pay he was generous bringing my son out to dinner and on holidays and letting everybody know (including my son) that he was treating us and what a big man he was. I on the other hand hadn't the money left over to return the favour.