Enlightenment has dawned on me.
I now realise what has been happening throughout the past 20 years of my 21 year marriage. I am sure we all try desparately to discover and understand how we manage to find ourselves in this pit of despair and pain.
I was never one to appreciate what I call psychobabble but the obvious truth is undeniable. We have been in, what is termed, 'A Controlling Abusive Victim Co-Dependant' relationship and the both of us have been completly unaware of it. When I started reading I could feel the load rising of my shoulders and I truly, truly hope that my wife has the same experience.
One guess as to who plays which role!
So what happens now? I have set boundaries,rules for myself and my wife. I have informed her of my enlightenment so now I wait to see what she is going to do about it all. She will not take this happily but she is intelligent. Understanding the way we have been with each other may still not save the marriage but, it will ultimately make us both better people. We owe it to our children to be emotionally healthy even if we are no longer together.
It has been a good day!
Giant huddle hug all round.