It's amazing what a difference a year makes. I'm no longer tense and anxious - I no longer feel physically sick at the sight, sound, thought of my x2b. His messages don't through me into a state of anxiety.
Nothing is sorted out. I still don't know what my future will be or if he'll hang on for ever with delays and more delays. But I've got used to that too.
Importantly, the children seem much happier and more settled than they have been for years. Of course they don't like the separation but what went before was pretty bad. Now they have a mother who has the confidence to run her own life and make decisions.
We're worse off, of course. But because I've always worked there's money for necessities and some money over for holidays, etc. Having to manage on a budget is good for us all and may help the kids in the future.
Some friends have made an effort to keep in touch - mostly friends who live some way away, so I haven't seen much of them. Others seem uncomfortable with my new, separated status. Some I probably won't see again. But that's how things go.
I'll cope with the uncertainty for as long as it takes. I hope that if necessary I can sell the house on retirement - whatever happens, I should get enough to let me buy a studio flat - or perhaps I could take a risk and retire abroad.
I feel ready for a new life.