Another session with the x2b including me virtually begging her to stop all this hurt and try to work things out with me but she says she has moved on and does not want to be married to me - heard that somewhere before - but I just can't accept it.
Over the last month she has lost a lot of weight and at the weekend had her hair done (yes I was on kid duty) and now looks just like the stunning woman I married 15 years ago, I feel so gutted and jealous she has the looks status ambition and opportunity to find someone new. Told me tonight that I was probably a better husband than most and that I am a "nice" person - really made me feel better or do I mean bitter.
Every time I look at her I just want to hold her cuddle her etc. and I feel so lonely knowing that I cannot touch her. I so desperately crave physical contact even just to have someone hold my hand but I can see no opportunity for me in my future.
On a positive note x2b has confirmed that she still wants my parents to play a big role in our childcare arrangements. This is good news as I have found a possible place for them 5 min walk from MH - x2b even said it was perfect and that I should go for it, so I will tomorrow. What she fails to realise is that I have no intention of moving out of MH and staying with my folks so watch out for the fireworks when realisation dawns.
X2b sent my mother a daily schedule of what she called her childcare requirements - basically as we had agreed prior to split 3 - 6 anticipating that I will do all mornings and be available from 6 - it's so good to know you can rely on others - oh dear sounding bitter again.
Apparently her new job will require her to travel more often - India and all other continents on a regular basis not to mention commuting to London - glad she has thought childcare through and has the kids best interests at heart - definitely bitter this time.
Anyway having my parents around cannot harm my chances should I decide not to play her game and go for kids and house.
However I really don't want aggravation and resentment and hate lying \ not correcting her assumption but should I tell her before my folks are in place? I feel if I do she may refuse to let them be part of childcare arrangements and block their move. At least If I can hold out until the lease is signed then financially "we" are committed.
I don't know on this one all I know is that this appears to be the only Ace I have in a hand full of low value cards she has left me with.
How I wish we could sort this out and become a family again.