Don't really know where to begin tonight so much has happened over the last few days
Mother persuaded not to come down I know she is only trying to do what she thinks best but things are so complicated.
My mother had a hysterectomy at the start of the year and has just finished 6 months of chemotherapy all that has kept her going is the prospect of moving closer and playing a large part in caring for our kids ( all agreed before the change in our situation). My wife still wants her to provide this cover.
The issue now is that where we were going to find and pay for a place for my parents to stay now I cannot afford this unless when I move out I end up with them staying with me. I feel so trapped I have to do all I can to ensure my parents have as much time with my kids as they can but where does that leave me.
The atmosphere when we are all in the room is terrible and I cannot bear the effect it is having on the kids. I have started to look for somewhere to move to as close to the kids as possible but there is very little rental accommodation around. The search has had a marked adverse effect on me - I now feel that I cannot call our house my home in fact I feel like a squatter. I hate being alone in the house and now even when there is others around I am alone.
Several conversations \ arguments with the wife over the last few days have not helped I am in no place to make decisions at present ( in fact I am close to breaking down completely something I refuse to let happen) but that is what she wants . I don't blame her she needs to know what child care to put in place and when I'm moving out (even if in my heart I do not want to go).
A great quote from my wife - "It's not as though I have told you I am leaving you" - Oh no she has just asked me to move out - am I missing something or what? She still seems to be under the miscomprehension that I am in favour of separate and that somehow this has been a joint decision.
I let my brother know tonight (I suspect my mother had already been in touch) he was very supportive however he was urging me to do all the things I am desperate to avoid to ensure the kids are as unaffected as possible.
I seem to spend half my life now defending my wife trying to ensure no irreparable damage is made between my wife and my family - it is Despareso hard - she is not a bad person and it is not all her fault.
Anyway tomorrow is another day and I guess I will have to attempt a brave face for the kids if nothing else.