Compelling viewing once more from Auntie Beeb (the BBC) is the TV programme "Call The Mediator. However hard we thought our own process was / is at the time its amazing to see how the lives of others can seem even more complicated and difficult. Also, how very hard it is to communicate with the ex. Both episodes so far have shown everything from a couple who are not married, but seperating, continually arguing over co parenting yet somehow ocassionally still sleep together, to a woman who lived with a much older man many years go, left him to marry someone else in the office, with whom she has a 25+ yr marriage and then left that to go back to the much older man now 80! No way!? I mean it all seems almost comical until you see the pain, confusion and stresses involved in separation.
I suppose my own situation could have seemed strange at the time: I had no response from my ex when I filed and had to chase her down to get on board. We know that people tell really bad porkies when it comes to money. Another couple in the programme focussed on their financial separation. She didn't work and wanted more money than 50% so that she could buy a supposedly already identified house. Fast forward when she got her way and we find that she has decided to rent, then buy with a new partner! There was bitterness about "giving up a career" and being a full time housewife and any bitterness can get taken out on the settlement perhaps.
It all seems a bit sordid. I know it felt very undignified for me at the time and even though I put everything in place I got the texts ("where's my f******* money") and the demands and the shouting down the phone whenever we did try to talk. I never used the word "abuse" to anyone but thats what it was I think. Of course I was no saint and she got it back in spades on more than a few occassions, When I received the same from he new partner and first ever boyfriend at school back in the stone age I did nearly loose it. I mean.. what a plonker ... !
Overall I felt sad for the people in the programme and for all who have to go through their own heart wrenching damage and repair cycles. In the end, those of us who are far down the road of a new life realise that it all did'nt matter who said what to whom, who did what when and who did the most parenting. In the end what really matters I think is that people stay out of the courts and that if children are involved that their interests are put first. I can say now that I did the best I could under the circumstances which were very hard indeed and I did the best for my daughter who now repays me in so many ways.