It's my ex husbands funeral tomorrow, not sure how I will be , I have had a roller coaster of emotions this last week, didn't feel too bad at first, but yeasterday helped my daughter in law sort out some photos so we could make a display at the wake, and I seem to have been in tears ever since .
Looking at the photos made me think of all the times we spent together, some good certainly , and now it seems so sad that he is gone, it's as bad as the divorce all over again.
There have been lots of messages on Facebook about him, anyone would think he was a candidate for saint hood and a few messages from women I know he was "friends" with saying how much he will be missed. Best not to read them I suppose.
It didn't help that yesterday was my eldest sons birthday, I had a long and difficult birth 27 years ago , and it still has the power to make me feel a bit down on his birthday.
And in a strange way there is a sort of closure, he is gone, no longer able to hurt me by saying cruel things, ignoring me or seeing him with someone else.
The funeral will be at 11am so think of me then, we are expecting a big crowd and it will be a green burial, then back to his favourite pub ! I've packed the tissues.
Sorry about the ramble, I will try and sleep and get through tomorrow .