Ok so another sleepless night. Think I know more about what's on tv in the early hours than what is shown in the daytime!
Up at 6am for shower, get kids dressed, breakfast and out to their respective childcare - the 2 eldest it's the breakfast club at school, the youngest is at a childminders. Felt really low, and think my 3 year old picked up on it as he cried when I left him which is not something which he normally does. Made me feel awful all the way to work. So as well as all the depressing thoughts of money, bills divorce etc., I felt guilty about my baby.
To make matters worse traffic was awful, then the bus from the park and ride to the town centre was driven by the slowest driver out... ended up half hour late, with only half hour to prepare for my presentation at 10am.
Finished the meeting 2 and a half hours later, and was really pleased with how it went. Managed to get myself totally into what I was doing and my mind didnt wander once. Maybe it was because I was doing all the talking!
Made the rest of the day so much better, didnt even get the normal panic attack when I paid the mountain of bills online.
Back home for 6.15pm having picked up the kids fronm childminder/after school club. Fed the 2 eldest and then got the 3 and 5 year old in bed by 7pm.. even managed to have a joke and sing whilst chasing them upstairs.
Am now sat down, football is on, (I am a massive football fan, Southampton being my drug... well someone has to!), the eldest is watching tv upstairs, and I feel ok. Although dreading going to bed, or more the fact of watching the clock go round, I am chilled.
Even managed to deal with a request from the stbx to see the kids calmly.
So on to tomorrow, fingers crossed this mood continues. I will write more about my divorce hell so far, but dont want to spoil the mood tonight.