I'd known him for a few years professionally but hadn't seen him for over a year when I walked into the library that day and saw him. He stood up and smiled that brilliant smile when he saw me and walked towards me and that is when I fell in love with him 25 years ago today. We became inseparable until he decided to have an affair with my friend and colleague.
Since then I've had an affair with wikivorce.
Being part of this community helped me to see that there are patterns of common behaviours which make a kind of sense of what has happened. This was the very beginning of the healing process because the realisation that others have/are experiencing the same levels of deceit and lies and are coming through it gives hope to cling onto the belief that the pain will eventually subside and now I know it's true.
My husband had no need of a site like this because he wasn't the one left floundering. He would never have resorted to seeking support and guidance. He used a lawyer, sacked one then sought out another.
For all I know he MAY have had legal advice here but I would happily bet my life that he would never feel the need to seek solace from a virtual community. He was absolutely sure in what he was doing, why would he seek support? He was so right you see. Always, so right.
I think jj's comment about it taking time to know what we want is such an important concept to grasp. I simply could not ever see me getting through this and that fear gripped me day and night. As an older wiki the feeling of desolation at being left to cope with however many years I may have was paralysing. Total shock. PTSD was diagnosed and I was unable to see further than a few moments ahead.
Family couldn't cope with my distress. My daughter was a rock but others didn't even call because I now know they couldn't cope with me, always the strong one, trying to piece together my broken life.
Support from virtual friends on wiki began to make up for what my real friends and some members of my family found they couldn't provide.
My daughter, my one true real friend and my wikifriends have brought me to where I am today.
So my love, wherever you are, know that I will always love you. Emotions cannot be switched off but I have found the dimmer switch at last.
I may one day be gone from wiki but wiki will never be gone from me.