Hey all, well this is my first attempt at blogging so here goes!
So 4 months on after coming home and finding my STBX had 'packed up' and left me, with just a letter and his wedding ring explaining that he had just fallen out of love with me and no longer wanted to be in the marriage, I finally feel ....free.
I'm not even divorced yet, I've not even started proceedings as yet (due to not being able to really afford it!) but for the first time in, probably 18 months I feel completely and totally liberated.
Of course that first night, weekend, even that first week after him leaving, I was distraught, devastated at how he left me. I think I even at that point I wasn't upset that we'd seperated, more how he had left hurt me. Not even enough respect to have a face to face conversation.
Of course, I'm made of stronger stuff, as alot of extended family members have commented, "you are definitley your mothers daughter!" which I take as a compliment! My STBX had told me several times that "you couldn't manage without me" Well guess what??! I can and I do and in fact I manage much better now than I ever did when he was there!
I'd had a sneaking suspicion that he had been having an affair. For the 6 years we were together (3 married - he left me precisely two months before our 3rd anniversary) he didn't really have any close male friends, he never went out, relied on me for his entertainment and company then he lost his job at the beginning of the year, got a new temporary one thenall of a sudden he wasgoing out friday nights, sometimes saturday too (not coming home till sunday) and the 'quiz' nights on a wednesday and picking up 'friends' from the train station at 11pm at night, all screamed untruth but I chose to look past it and try at working at the marriage that was fracturing rapidly.
So, after 18 months of an unhappy marriage he finally buzzed off and now I'm living the life I want. When I finally get round to and affording it, he isn't going to contest the divorce and agreed it will be on the basis of his adultery as long as I don't name her as co-respondent, he won't claim on the house (it was mine anyway in my name - and he had taken everything he wanted when he left anyway!)
In fact, communications between us are cordial and civil and probably better than it was when we lived under the same roof!
I truly believe I've done my grieving for my marriage while I was still in it. I don't hate him, I don't feel angry or upset with him. I don't wish him all 10 plagues under the sun, I just kind of feel 'ambivalent' towards him.
Thank god we never had children though. Just a cat who has been a godsend!
I've met a nice chap who I am developing a lovely friendship with, he does live 250 miles away so that helps keep the brakes on things and I'm learning from past mistakes.
I have made lots of new friends, I start an evening art course next week, I sing with my local barbershop chorus and in quartet, I have an amazing family and friends who have just been fantastic throughout everything. I'm stretching the wingsI felt had been clipped - liberation is an amazing thing.
I feel truly blessed to be able to go through something that could be and is for a hell of alot of people, a horrible, nasty experience, without any real heartache or problems. Although I have yet to start the divorce proceedings so that could change - I'm not daft!! Watch this space!