uodate, havnt posted in a while. Divorce and Consent order all completed November
Sold the marital home , sorted all his junk, and lacked everything, with the help of our lovely grown up daughter. I’m now in my own little bungalow. I organised some work, e.g new kitchen, new drive, and electrical installations.
The pension share has just come to fruition , first payment 1st September, would have been 3 months sooner, but true to style ex delayed his paperwork by that three months.
I had to move to a different area, but gave settled nicely. Joined a community choir.
Made several new friends. Even had a few dates !
I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, looking back, I thought I was going to crumble and dye, but I knew this is exactly what ex wanted, so I fought back....after years of abuse
This was a different me.
So I am coming To terms with his hatred for me. Not just in my case but from what I read those that have affairs and walk away seem to be the ones that can’t mske the other party suffer enough.
My future is far from what I feel is secure, the pension share is small.
Most of my savings are gone. So it’s a little scary.
But I’ve realused that I now do scary, rather well.
I love my i dependence. I love our daughter, and I have her love too.
But I will never come to terms either fact that her father wants nothing to do with her.
When this first happened it was our daughter who found out about the affair first,
Due to a message meant fir his other woman being sent to our daughter.
She tried to be understanding, though she had witnessed many things during her upbringing.
She said she wanted to be in touch with him, phone, text, email, coffee,
Lunch, him visiting her, at her flat. But to no avail, he said if she didn’t accept his new partner then she was no longer part of his life.
She tried ringing him, but he was never alone, three way conversations, prompted her to plead with her father for a one to one conversation, sadly it never happened, and the phone would be out down.
So it’s almost three years, and our daughter is having a really hard time, teetering from hating him, missing him, but saying even if he tried to contact her now, she couldn’t have a relationship with him, after what he has done to her, and that she would never trust a thing he said or did.
God, this breaks my heart, it’s painful for her and for me as her mum, and I can’t do a damn thing about it. I’m so angry about this, not only that, his mother is very ill, he’s cut himself off from her too and sisters and brother, because as he puts it, he wants them to chose between my daughter and I and him and his new partner.
I’m at a total loss about all of this, and it’s driving me bonkers.
But I have to say to myself, this is not surprising behaviour, ifa man can raise his hand to his partner over the years, and say and do horrible things, then why would his behaviour change now ? Except that I never expected this behaviour towards his one and only child.
Always thought that daughters were special to fathers, it’s just breaking my heart.
In fact I feel very angry, I’m worried because I am constantly thinking ....what can I do ? I want all the people who think he is Mr wonderful to know what he really is, I picture myself with banners outside his place of work. Writing imaginary letters to his employer , putting notices in newspapers, shouting it from the rooftops!!!
Please please tell me how to cope with this part, it’s blocking our happiness, as we have come through so much, my daughter and I. Thanks for reading.