My children are so sweet and innocent. Seemingly oblivious to how hard Daddy has to work to keep his emotions in check doing handovers. Ex working today as she always does on a bank hol chasing the money not realising the true worth of time with her children. You'd think when she only gets one Sunday a month she'd be chomping at the bit to spend a lovely sunny day with them and new hubby. So todays handover is me giving my children into the care of someone I can't even look at. Thank god my 2 didn't rush into his arms. But then the extra request, pls Daddy can you put me in the car,

I'm frustrated with so many things but mostly with myself. Why am I like I am? Why do I have such a poor view of myself. I know life is passing me by to some extent and it's within my power to do something about that but I don't. I do bits here and there but how has my life changed the past few years, months, weeks. Some things are better, while other aspects continue to slowly deteriorate and some things are better left where they have decided to go, well alone. Better off without? Not sure I am better off without as I can never feel better about not seeing my children everyday

Ever since my life got turned upside down I have found accomplishing getting through the day difficult at times. Things are a little better than that now but there are still things that my brain just can't compute and handle even though they must be handled. I'm talking about my Uni studies for example. If I can complete my degree I will surely be entering the guiness book of records for the longest time to complete one. I have been stuck in neutral unable to attempt the same module now for 3 years. It is kind of now or never with only 4 of 18 modules left to do to get back on the horse