Today I feel very frighten of the future..........why???

Very shortly I am to attend my first collaborative meeting and whilst having meditated over all the scenarios one that comes freuqently to mind it that of "what to really expect"

We started the process of separating/divorcing on a "speakable/amicable (if that's possible) basis saying that we both wanted to do, above all else, what was right for the kids and, if possible, remain civil to each other throughout and after the process.

The kids are early twentys and are getting on with their lives - Grad Training Programme & the other

Not too sure what exactly I'm feeling right now; at moments really good and positive whilst minutes later I'm sooooooooo down.

Having read all the great comments & blogs, somewhere deep down I know that it will get better but when and how. It seems to be a downward spiral with ever increasing depth!! I work for myself, in a job I used to love, and yet now I'm finding it very, very hard to motivate myself. 

Its a been a horrible day and yet my daughter started on her Masters programme today - so should be a day of pride/achievement and joy, yet I cannot muster any "positive" emotion. 

I know the

Today was the day my stbx and I decided that we would announce to our two adult kids (early 20's) that we were planning to divorce!!!

I couldn't face it and my stbx decided that she would tell them without me there; not apportioning any blame or guilt........we both decided on this route.

Yes, I am a mouse but I simply couldn't face them

As I write this I'm still in the office and cannot face going home; I feel terrible, frightened, lonely, ashamed.........

But I will go home later tonight........