Blog Entries tagged 'grief and loss'

Heading back to the bottom

memorcarpediem@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Flipped out big style last night. Lesson to self - do not try and box emotions up with kick up backside as they are not ready to go away yet. He's not ready to come back but he's still dangling that carrot. I have no idea whether I want him back or not, I just want to stop hurting. I sobbed and sobbed, another nights lost sleep and such pain. I managed to work for 3 hours but back to achieving diddly again. Can't go to drs for any pills until medical for new job done. Hopeful [...]

It's his birthday today

juliet.steven@tiscali.co.uk — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Ugh! I have a shudder running through my body when I look at today's date. It is his birthday today.

I imagined, some weeks ago, that I would be able to be friendly & send him a text saying 'Happy Birthday', but no, I am not going to do this. He is with her. & they are celebrating together. I am not a part of his world anymore. I have no place in his new world.

He probably half expects a text from me, after all, I was the woman who begged him to recons [...]

Me again!

juliet.steven@tiscali.co.uk — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Hello! Me again!

I have to admit that I'm not having a good day. Since my husband phoned earlier, I have been mostly miserable & tearful. I know that my last blog featured my annoyance at him wanting to change the day when he takes our son out, & this is still bugging me, but, in truth, I know that there is more to it than this for me.

If I'm brutally honest, my tears are also about the fact that he is going away with his girlfriend. Why does this cut me u [...]

'together'

juliet.steven@tiscali.co.uk — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Hi.

Thought I'd sign in as I wrote my first entry then promptly abandoned my blog to go off for the weekend, camping with my children. I've only mentioned my son up until now but I also have a daughter (in her 20s) from my first marriage (my first husband died). It was really good to get away & spend some quality time with the children- they keep me going - I truly believe that I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for them.

Our weekend wa [...]

Ten steps backwards

memorcarpediem@yahoo.co.uk — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Back to feeling rock bottom again. I thought I would be ok but after yesterdays panic I am emotionally back to being a complete mess again. I drank far too much last night as my head is a bad place to be and thought and tried to be good as in NO TEXTING!!!! Yeah right, did the begging ones.

When am i going to realise it is over. He is lying to me when he says things, I know now he wants his both lives, not just me. I gotta get it in my head he has moved on (he didn't deny barmaid w [...]

Weekend blues

memorcarpediem@yahoo.co.uk — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

This is the part of the week I hate, the WEEKEND!!! When everyone is happy family and it reminds me how sad and alone I am. Supermarkets full of families, today is the regatta - woop woop - loads families. This is where I get angry as he if filling his weekend and having great fun socialising whilst I at home broke, looking after kids and lonely.

I didn't blog yesterday as was cross. I have been excluded from his uncle's funeral. He is going up to his sisters the night bef [...]

The rollercoaster

memorcarpediem@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I have decided to write my emotions down as they are just so stupidly differing sometimes from hour to hour let alone day to day.

Today I woke up at 4am and wanted to smash his face in, I also want to smash the barmaids face in. I have no family thanks to her and he is a cheating liar.

Last night he told me by txt that his uncle had died, someone I have known for 18 years, and actually spoke to more than he did. By TEXT?????? I tried ringing but he wouldn't pick [...]

Acceptance?.....Maybe!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

For the first time today, I think I am truly starting to accept it's over. For the last 12 weeks there has been a glimmer of hope that maybe he will change his mind, wake up and realise he's made a mistake..... I don't feel that today.

I'm scared by the enormity of it all. I am going to have to be responsible for myself and the kids...just me with no-one to help or rely on. I've never had such an enormous responsibility and I'm petrified. [...]

My Best Friend

michael.bentley@tesco.net — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

How would I summarise my relationship with my (ex)Wife without it sounding clichéd?

She was my lover, the woman who had born our children - I still vividly remember skipping across the hospital car park with the sun dawning and the bird chorus just starting, so happy with the world, in love with my wonderful wife, joyous at the birth of my son. So too, can I remember the passion with which I told her I loved her dearly and how I wanted to be with her always. Every nig [...]

My first post

chemtrek1@gmail.com — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I broke a trust with my wife....I lied to her. I did not at anytime be unfaithful to her. She was and is my only one love. But about two years ago when this happened, our daughter left for university. We started moving apart. I did not give her the attention she needed. She however reconnected with friends from the past (at least two) on line through facebook.

She developed relationships with them once again. In all this time she thought I guess [...]

Thanks for the Blog Comments !

wikivorce@sbainbridge.cix.co.uk — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

This blogging seems to be very therapeutic. I was really encouraged by the three replies to my first blog, SOMEONE OUT THERE CARES. I would like to reply to the people who commented below

Marriaa

Thanks for the comments, I am sure that you are correct in that the emotions one experiences come in different orders for different people, sorry to hear that you are having to cope with loss at the moment, loss is a difficult emotion to deal with as there does not appear any way to [...]

Goodbye my lover

bancroftamada@hotmail.co.uk — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

From Wikivorce Team:

On the 19th July amanda (aka legallyblondetoo) lost her beloved partner Mark.

Amanda's blog entry written whilst she was still in a state of shock just hours after the event has been unpublished out of respect to herself, Mark and Mark's family.

Please feel free to leave any messages you have for Mark and Amanda below.

You can find information regarding flowers and charitable donations here...

My First Blog

wikivorce@sbainbridge.cix.co.uk — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I started this blog as my profile, initially I felt too shy to post it, but having reviewed it I thought it would really be better as a blog

Steve

I'm a 53 year old professional man living in North Devon, Happily Married (So I Thought) for 8 years. My wife has recently left, and has flown to Sweden to see her 2nd Cyberlover for a month (09/07/2008). Prior to that she went to Rhodes a month ago to see another Cyberlover

Currently feeling all t [...]

God have pity please

dawn.hardie@hotmail.com — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Last night and today is one of the worst I have ever experienced, the love of my life Pippa was diagnosed with a tumour.

She has seen me over the last 12 years go through hell and back with my stbx, always offering a smile, cuddle and a wag. She has only just come out of surgery 2 weeks ago and now I have to make the decision on what is best for her, surgery and chemo or painkillers and let her go.

I've read up on the tumour which helps as I now know if it is stage [...]

new and scared

cathmgorst@yahoo.com — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 01:00:00 +0100

new and scared

Hi all

Im new on here but i hope you dont mind listening

Myy hubby of 22 years has walked away and left me

I dont know why or were he has gone he did not contact kids for ten days and now has only sent one text to the eldest

I feel like im breaking in two .i wonder what i have done thats so wrong and why he does not want to be with me anymore

The children want answers i cant give them

the pain is undescibable.

he has been [...]

A strange feeling

droopydraws_uk@hotmail.com — Tue, 20 May 2008 01:00:00 +0100

so tomorrow is the day my ex gets married to that thing, do i wish him well not at all, hope he forgets his decree absolute hope it pours down on that beach.Am i bitter no angry ,angry at the way he has treated me and our children , angry the decree absolute was granted without my knowledge , angry we have a FH soon , angry he could forget his own children angry he plays games still dictates what sort of life the children can have as he picks and chooses when he wants to pay child support.In our [...]

Headache�

lenka80@yahoo.com — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 00:00:00 +0100

I didn't sleep well last night...I went for therapy in the morning...I had good session...one of those what leaves you feeling stronger and with hope...

It was easy lazy day at work...I went on chat with 2 guy "friends" from my "old" life...life before my ex, me moving to US, my marriage...before things got so complicated...

You would think that thoughts about my old life would be comforting...good memories...well...not really...as longer as I'm in th [...]

Mothers Day

jane-2006@hotmail.co.uk — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 00:00:00 +0100

My Mum was buried on Mothers Day.

I was dreading the day anyway as I wasn't sure if my kids would even remember. The dread was justified even though it was for the wrong reasons.

It wasn't unexpected but somehow it was the last news I expected on Fri. The last few days have been a blur. I miss her so much and it doesn't seem real.

Mum has been my rock in the last couple of years, well all my life really but despite re [...]

Reallly bad day.

home2war@yahoo.co.uk — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0100

I'm new to this site. Feeling really really low right this minute. Husband just brought the children home from a night out.

He left me last Tuesday after promising me a few days before he wanted to give it another go, unfortunately he didn't make the effort to tell his new 'friend'. I have met her, found them having a cosy meal for two in a romantic restaurant, I don't think they will go there again after I announced I was his wife to all and sundry!

I feel [...]

he packed a bag and was gone

Francineshipley@hotmail.co.uk — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0100

He left me last night. Packed a bag and said he was going to his parents for the week. Apparently we need time apart to reassess what matters to us individually and as a couple; I am not contact him or he'll walk away for good.

I had the humiliation of explaining to my daughter's teacher this morning the situation at home. I was trying so hard not to cry, my voice started cracking up, but I'm relieved that I managed to finish the meeting without breaking down. S [...]