Blog Entries for townie

past absolute and beyond..

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 01:00:00 +0100

well its been a while since I last posted my blog.I have been slowly getting my life sorted.Been to see how my benefits will be affected should I ever actually get the FH sold .Good news there and was told that mine won't be affected(not means tested) and nor will disabled sons.Also I have taken my council housing application up to date so all that is left to do there is sell the house, then I can start to bid.

I am looking into shared ownership and seeing if I will be able to manag [...]

Absolute Day!

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 01:00:00 +0100

well this morning I received my absolute.I knew it was coming as He had rang yesturday and said he already had his.So i got it along with a letter from my solicitor and of course she probally charged a bit for the letter.So waiting for the paperwork to do with paying my bill.

How do I feel today?Well relieved that the fighting is over and a little sad at what we had has gone now.I have accepted its over, have came to arrangements about the house sale(consent order and everything in plac [...]

all over but for the kids..

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:00:00 +0100

well on Friday I gave in the legal aid papers for the final bill to be made up.The decree absolute will be through end of this week, maybe at the weekend or Monday.

It was a huge relief to be handing over the last of the paperwork.The final bill will be about £1,300(can't remember the exact amount),so not too dear,as I was advised it could have been up to £2,000.I suppose I got off lightly as he admited his adultary and we managed to agree most things between us, s [...]

another sleepless night.

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 01:00:00 +0100

had another sleepless night, why is it things always look worse in the wee hours?

Haven't felt too good eitheras have had a nasty cold).

Just started thinking all about how he lied and cheated and felt so alone.I just want to stop thinking these thoughts and get over what has happened and move on,but am struggling, really struggling to do so.Its been a year now, and I have got used to living alone but when am I going to adapt to this feeling of being lied to and abandoned.Ifee [...]

Had bad week last week, so this week looks better.

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

last week was awful, I felt so bad I couldn't bare to blog or do anything much,just worked through the deporession I had felt, all mostly brought about by s2bx's 'woman' turning up on my daughters birthday and my daughter spending time with them rather than me on her special day.ruined it somewhat for me.

Well after a few days of depression and self pityI had run out of tears to cry for the time being.I'm sure I will get it again ..just didn't forsee this o [...]

18 years and it has come to this.

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

My daughters birthday today.Have had pleasant day, but this evening when she saw s2bx he went out with daughter to the pub(my suggestion),but took his 'girlfriend' along.I am just so hurt by this.I can't see why my daughter should be with him and her on her birthday when it was me that had her,me that has been there for her, me that peacekeeped to get her and her add together for the birthday, and he has to drag his woman with him.Its not fair, and not on.

Another first..thi [...]

Monday *loody Monday.. !

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Started off good, met friend and caught up this morning while getting daily paper, only to be disturbed by s2bx driving past me on way home, he had just dropped clothes in our house that son had left from the wekend, but still I thought good..I missed that one.. he had a face like thunder so and so miserable.. I had to give him a cheery wave.LOL

So after my gas man had been , decided to treat myself as I needed a lift, so spent 2 hours getting my hair done. Ho hum all glamourous and no [...]

A quiet weekend and a few tears.

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Well s2bx had son this weekend.I decided to get busy smartening the house as we will be selling it.Started on the kitchen.the dirt i found there was shocking, and there is something therapathic about cleaning..washing that man out of my life kind of thing.But then I made a mistake, listening to music instead of my usual talk channel on the radio.That was it, the tears came, I don't know but they seemed to play all the songs that made me remember good times with s2bx and i was a wreck.But [...]

25th wedding anniversary.. its been and gone.

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Well I was up and down moodwise all day.Wanting to cry for what could have been and happy in a way that I wasn't with s2bx.

Mostly felt better when I saw his 'woman' out and was still chuckling, can't believe he would rather be with someone that old and ugly rather than me.She must be like cuddling his mother.. his mum died a few years back and I am sure this is the attraction.

Took my son out for a MC D and thats when we saw her, not that she acknowledged so [...]

my 25th wedding anniversary or it would have been..

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

well it is now officially my wedding anniversary, as the decree absolute is till not through, so I have decided to blog about how far I feel I have come in the 11 months since we split.

I have gone through turmoil,anger,hurt,rage,pain,sadness,tears, crying myself to sleep,dispair and self doubt I would ever feel right about anything again.

Looking back to this time last year when I would have been sitting in a restaurant,with my nice fancy card with sentiments written in and wonde [...]

getting a few things moved on and sorted out.

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I have been talking to s2bx on the phone, after trying unsucessfully for a face to face meeting.After I found out that he missed a few payments on the life insurance policy and mortgage I wanted to know what was happening,as I don't want the house repossessed and if either of us drop down dead the life insurance to be paid out.Finally sorted it out with him and he had been arranging to pay the outstanding payments back.So that is a weight off my mind, even though I find it hard to trust h [...]

A nice weekend..

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Things are looking good here,I have spent the whole weekend without my son, and my daughter has spent time at home, think she may worry about her ole mum,so that has been nice.

My s2bx has been away with son, and 'her' , funny thing is he has been ringing and texting me.In the 3 days that he has been gone have had 5 phone calls and 3 texts.Weird hey, its like either he is checking up on me and what I am doing, or can't bare not to tell me what they are doing, or wants [...]

a bad day again..help!

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

well back from my holiday, and trying to keep things moving forward.. got the consent order giving me my right to the house proceeds and I am faltering and struggling.

Have forms to complete from the solicitor and forms to complete about the house sale,all needing to be done before house goes on the market.I am stalling, trying to find time to fill the damn forms in but just struggling with every day things at the moment.Keep feeling very tired and keep waking up at 4am, and then fallin [...]

Been away again..

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

just got back on Sunday.Took my son camping with a friend and her children.Weather was appaling and we tried to make the most of it, but her kids were badly behaved and i was glad to come home.A few times before i fell asleep at night I was sad,thinking of how different everything was,but mostly I am sad for my son, who again asked if me and his dad would be getting back together again, and this almost a year on from the split.Of course while I was away s2bX spoke to son on mobile, and then t [...]

Another sleepless night

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Just can't go to sleep.why is it when you think you come so far is it oh too easy to slip back a way?

I have had a lovely day today, kid free and a trip to London,with a friend.

Came home exhausted.

Yet when i go to bed I start to cry and I think it is having the form that is the final part of the divorce.once this is completed and sent of that will be that .Almost a year on...it was last weekend,a year ago when I found out about his affair.

Why do I sti [...]

Almost there.

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

It seems like a long time since I wrote in this blog.or visited wilkivorce.

I am almost at absolute.The consent order has gone through.I ended up being awarded all the sale of the house proceeds once everything has been paid off(joint debts and mortgage).On the day we went to court,s2bx represented himself,and looked all sad and sombre when in the court.Afterwards we were walking along the street ,discussing that it was almost over and now I had freedom from him,and he said to me'yo [...]

Holidays-another hurdle...

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 19 May 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Next week my son is going on holiday with s2bx.So I am going away to stay with a friend, just so I don't spend the time, thinking and worrying so much about what he may be doing.

s2bx has said I resent him taking him on holiday, and I didn't give him the satistfaction of a reply, only I know how much I resent the fact that the son (who I almost died giving birth to)I struggled so hard to bring into the world and overcome so much health problems to have only for him to spend the [...]

Up and down my moods go...

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Wed, 14 May 2008 00:00:00 +0100

I have Been feeling very up and down... I am managing to find things to occupy myself at the weekends that I don't have my son, and managed to convince s2bX that I will come home when I am ready not when he says so(still trying to control me).I do enjoy those weekends, although still feel great deal of annoyance that s2b's girlfriend gets to play 'happy families' with my son, when i would rather have all the time I can with him.

Then I have been feeling down w [...]

another day on the treadmill

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 01 May 2008 00:00:00 +0100

Another day and more depression.Woke up early after going to bed late as was unable to sleep.Woke up same way as I went to sleep ,crying.Pathetic aren't I?

This week and last has been a real drain on me, keep sleeping during the day and feeling unable to face things.Last weekend I got some escape from things as I went to stay with a friend and was kid free but comming back home here and having to face more stress is doing me in.I have forms from the council to fill in and my financi [...]

Up and down the old emotions go..

pinkymalmalred@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:00:00 +0100

Woke up exhausted because last night I couldn't sleep, just felt very sad at what my life has become.So then after I got my son off to the school bus, I went back to bed and snuggled up with the cat for company.

My s2bx called, and was saying how do I know if he and his 'mistress' are still together , etc, they may not be, and he may have someone new etc.. started probing into while I had started the whole divorce proceedings ..etc etc.. its funny how he can make me feel its [...]