Blog Entries for divwiki

Anticipating an Exploding Wife

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:53:33 +0100

Right, so I've tracked down her solicitor! Don't know what the big secret was. The receptionist went and checked and it is definitely the one I guessed that's representing my wife. I left a letter with him. She'd phoned me again this morning; had I received an affidavit addressed to her, why would I? I thought unless of course she was lying about her residence. I got to thinking about how this might be to her advantage, but she's taking a risk with her post. After al [...]

Bitter and Twisted Briefs

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:37:25 +0100

There's a solicitor who seems very keen to take my case, but I'm a bit put off by £145 per hour plus VAT. He's been asking me to double-check the £80+ being quoted by my preferred firm, seems to think they have conflated the initial consultation fee with the more normal one. He may have a point, I'll get back and double check. I wish they all had a written tariff, but I suppose it depends on the work you present them with. What's galling is the £60+ [...]

Some Days are Diamonds

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 14:49:04 +0100

Isn't it nice when you get a break from the divorce/eviction/x2b hanging round you slog. Not much any professionals can do on a bank holiday so I made a point of going out to our mutual friends who made me feel very welcome and put up with my wingeing and confusion while we sat in the garden. It's good not to feel isolated and to see people's reactions when you put your side of the story.

Later I had a good and humourous chat with three other members on [...]

Here Comes the Sum

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 11:52:22 +0100

Well, the sun's come out at last and things always look better when reflecting ultraviolet. I can begin to see a way through. Also, I don't know if this is coincidence, but my x2b has got off her ar*e and says the petition is done; i'll believe it when I see it of course, but she says she is accepting £10K and, oh, the solicitor has added that the court should award Spousal Maintenance "until the £10K is paid as I'm skint."

She reckons s [...]

The Waiting Game

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 17:24:12 +0100

OK so my x2b now has my written offer. Why write it? I'm so unsure of what she has been telling her solicitor I want her to take it to today's appointment so that he at least knows what I am offering and my reasoning. Also what I want in return (clean break etc).

She has been talking about backing out and maybe that's in my interest too, but it just puts off the day for a few years so why not get on with it? Anyway how does she think she's going to get any mo [...]

Colon Explorer

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 16:50:55 +0100

Divorce is a mountain to climb. Various people on this site are at the peak, others at the first stage of climbing or the foothills. I'm not even at base camp yet. Climbing, like divorce, generally takes at least two people. They may despise each other and have completely different values, but unless they co-operate for the duration of the task it will be a very rocky journey indeed. The more experienced go first and there they are, the Sherpa Tensings and Edmund Hilarys of div [...]

Attachment and how to avoid it

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 04:47:04 +0100

I've managed to secure some counselling, but not until 29th. So I went back yesterday to a meditation group I used to frequent. Very helpful, both because of the relaxation and also the fact that it's very rare these days I go anywhere that everyone is older than me! it's been a while since I felt young.

After a meditation in which I got a real head-rush and sense of falling backwards, but not in an unpleasant, drunken way we all discussed various issues. The cho [...]

People Skills

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 17:03:23 +0100

Today marked the first time my x2b has gone two consecutive days without contacting me. If I'd known offering her cash would get her off my back I would have done it when we were living together!

I went and did my stint at a voluntary job I do. People there have been generally very supportive considering my wife works there too; she's off at the moment, though, with the stress she has caused, no doubt. I was annoyed with the director of the branch last monday, though [...]

"I said 'there is no justice' as they led me out the door

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 00:02:38 +0100

And the Judge said, 'this isn't a court of justice, son, this is a court of law." Billy Bragg, "Rotting on Remand".

Went to see my dear old mum who has developed a blood-clot behind the eye. She was telling me she couldn't have anticipated the situation with my x2b either which made me feel a bit better.

However, she doesn't quite get that the law isn't about what is right, ethics and morality, that sort of thing. It's based on n [...]

Rockface

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 00:00:00 +0100

A little harsher yesterday. It was the first day that using the website hadn't helped - having to, in a virtual sense, get in between two warring factions on the forum felt a little too much like my real marriage for comfort!

My x2b turned up and banged on the window while I was cooking. She'd turned up for her post, dressed to the nines. I said "you look nice, going out?" She claimed that she'd just been to the doctor! She only wears heels when she's going o [...]

Life Rolls On.

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 00:00:00 +0100

My x2b restricted herself to just the one phone call today to harangue me for not getting my own solicitor yet and even she sounded tired with it, like she was just going through the motions (or emotions). I think she is finding it hard at her parent's house. I was doing mainly mundane things ( I nearly typed manly mundane things - Freudian, or it's the wine I'm drinking at 4am!) today like shopping and so on.

I caught a sports programme where a guy who had become seriousl [...]

Cheque Mate

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 17:25:47 +0100

Today was very strange. We'd said we wouldn't talk directly, but the dog - being a natural mediator - insisted on dragging me to her parent's house and having a fuss from her. As I'm not a particularly proud person I didn't stop him. Why should he suffer because we don't see eye to eye? She seemed strangely pacific and we got on quite well throughout the 3 minute conversation.

She levelled with me that she is "desperate" for some quick cash [...]

She's Been and Gone and Done It!

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:08:05 +0100

My x2b told me she wasn't going to our joint meeting with the council today. i phoned them and asked if there was any point attending alone, not really so I cancelled it. Half an hour before it had been due she phoned again, is it still on? She told me I shouldn't have cancelled! I phoned and got it back and even gave her a lift there. She said she wanted us to pop into her solicitor's first - like you can just do that!what planet is she on these days? She also kept saying "n [...]

The Anti-Climax

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 13:47:32 +0100

"I saw 2 shooting stars last night, I wished on them, but they were only satellites,

it's wrong to wish on space hardware, I wish, Iwish, Iwish you cared..." Billy Bragg, New England.

Went out walking the dog late last night to clear my head and grab a glimpse of the much trailed meteorite shower - not so much as a glimmer; seems to sum up my life at the moment and especially my all too brief marriage. A wonderful day followed by a series of disappointments at [...]

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 22:13:50 +0100

"I'm going down that long, lonesome road, where I'm bound, who can tell?

but goodbye is too good a word, babe, so I'll just say fare thee well,

I'm thinking and wonderin' all the way down the road, I once loved a woman, a child I'm told,

I gave her my heart and she wanted my soul, but don't think twice it's all right." Bob Dylan

Sorry, writing at 5 in the morning brings out the lonesome poet in me!

At lea [...]

The Bed's Too Big Without You

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 18:26:01 +0100

Ever since my x2b told me she wanted a divorce I haven't been able to sleep in bed and have slept on the couch leaving the bed stripped bare like some sort of artistic expression of our relationship.

The dog's a bit narked that he is now off the couch at night (except when I'm blogging) and has to sleep in HIS bed on the floor, which he always thought was an ornament.

The other night I dreamt I was looking at a fully made-up bed again, but this one was a sin [...]

Cutting off my nose...

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 17:00:04 +0100

Enough! I've had enough. I don't know how I've coped with the last 2 weeks and how many of you have coped for 2 years and more. Regular readers will have noticed that I've felt more sanguine about being betrayed and controlled over the last 2 days as things have appeared more consistent and less threatening. Now my ex2be has reverted to type.

Yesterday started so well; her dad had returned from hospital and had ordered her mum and her brother to stop interfering in [...]

Meet Mean Mr Moody

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 23:10:37 +0100

Yesterday was the 2nd day of the rest of my life, in that I've now had two days in a row where my x2b has been consistent about what she wants. Perhaps now I can start to make some plans.

I had a bit of work today so she couldn't contact me until late afternoon. She had kept another medical appointment, her scan, and they are now saying that she needs to have her cervix examined and maybe if they're not happy with that to then have a biopsy taken. She told me in a [...]

Vultures and A Corner Turned

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 22:14:09 +0100

A strange day, yesterday, but I think it ended on a positive. Following the too-ing and fro-ing of the previous day my ex2b called me asking for a lift from her GP's. Like a sap I went and got her, though I must admit I just sat down for 5 minutes until I had felt I had asserted my independence enough! It's weird that I still feel sorry for her even if this turns out to be an illness stemming from her own infidelity. Anyway she was going on later to the hospital, she said, but I [...]

Relative values

sootyfoot2000@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 05:39:36 +0100

Yesterday was a rollercoaster, all dictated by my beloved of course. She invited me over to her mum's and we sat in the sunny garden trying to decide what it is that she actually wants. I made my grudging offer of £13.5K and she said £15K. I said if that keeps it amicable and you promise not to change your mind this time, I figure I'd be paying more than the difference in solicitor's fees on a contested divorce so OK, fair enough £15k it is. We agreed and I think [...]