Blog Entries for Heath

Sorry does help

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I've finally spoken to my STBX, as I couldn't continue with the way things were. The wife I spoke to tonght was the wife I knew years ago, and I trusted what she said.

The way things were was my doing, but she held the key to me moving on, and she'd hidden it, so I was left to stew in my own juices, come to my own conclusions.

The air needed clearing, I got answers which allowed me to make some sense, and I got an apology.

Doesn't make up for all the hurt &am [...]

Turned A Corner

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Things have changed since my last blog about being heartbroken. Yes I know it was only three days or so ago, but something has definitely changed. The blog was genuine & heartfelt and was what I felt at that moment in time.

Those feelings of utter despair have gone on to enable me discover things I needed to know, and receive overwhelming support from someone who could make a difference. I now know that her friends & lifestyle meant more to [...]

Heartbroken

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I've had the worst day ever

I just want to be back in a proper family again, you know the one? The one that includes the biological mother of my children and not a woman who can never be my kids mother, probably with her own kids to whom I can never be their father, nor want to be.

My STBX has moved on, we don't speak, but I know that she has not been entirely happy in her new life, and she has not realised all her 'freedoms' bec [...]

Is it just me? Am I old fashioned?

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I've just been on to the Plenty Of Fish dating website and there was this banner ad for IllicitEncounters.com.

Drifting out of the cerise background came these seductive & powerful words

attached? under-appreciated? uninspired?

Come and feel the butterflies again...

Or...Get a f**king grip, stop dreaming and sort your marriage out, whether that's working at it, or ending it!

Expertly targeted, with those words pushing buttons, flicking switches a [...]

God Damnit

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I was having a really good day, with positive feelings about her being out of my life. In fact I was gonna blog about that. Then whilst making the kids' sandwiches, I remembered our first kiss on the doorstep of her parents house.

Damn, damn, damn!!!

Mmm, tears & Cheddar, my favourite!

WTF?

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I had another one of my confrontational 'chats' with my STBX the other day (sorry I can't help myself, it just happens)

My button was pushed when she started talking about going to school plays, parents evenings together etc. She said we will have to be civil etc, to which I said that she should have thought about that before she started screwing around.

She then came out with this beaut - 'There's two people in this marriage, and blah, blah, blah... [...]

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Well this morning I did the 'big' thing, and went with my children to get their mother birthday cards/presents.

Boy, it was like eating thistles, as I used to enjoy going with my kids to get her something, but it pained me this morning. I noticed my sons' mood change, he was acting like he was in trouble. He's 10, so I just told him that this was really hard for me, that it was nothing he was doing wrong. I also told him that I was doing this for them [...]

The despair squid cometh

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Red Dwarf fans will get it. This always happens, I stay away overnight with work, and the despair squid consumes my whole being.

There's no wife and kids to ring to say goodnight too, there's no one waiting for you to come home, and home is just a pile of bricks.

I was sat on a plastic chair having a crappy burger in Clacket Lane services, and to be quite honest I didn't care whether I was alive or dead, I just really didn't. I wanted everything to go a [...]

I Liked This

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Just as a warm up for what may be some furious blogging to come (I'm storing it all up, stuff to get out there, you know) I'll just post a quote from a lengthy profile on a dating site. I enjoyed reading her profile, not what you'd expect, not all 'I'm bubbly, like eating out and staying in, going to pubs and eating kebabs'...blah, blah, blah, yawn!!! This bit made me chuckle, a good way of putting a truth.

"When they're gone you [...]

So much to say

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Anyone else out there left with so much left to say to their ex, but they've 'moved on' and that's that?

Do you find it stops you from moving on?

Heath

Not so nisi

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Spent most of today wishing I was part of a family again, my family, and that we could have stopped being horrible to each other, and prevented this mess.

Then I got home and the nisi was on the mat, how did they know?

I'll cry when the kids are in bed.

Not so nisi to see you, nisi!

Heath

Here I go again (and it ain't Whitesnake)

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

This makes me so sad, because the song and video say what two very stubborn & stupid people should have said to each other, but didn't, and now it's all sh*t.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=q6rSYDpb9UI

P.S Yes I have just seen her & spoken to her for the first time in 2 months.

P.P.S Not quite there yet am I? (you'll know if you watch it)

Back on the Blog!

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Dear Blog

It's been 5 weeks since my last confession, but I just haven't had the will to blog, chat etc.

I have been on to browse, and keep up with how people are doing though.

It's got something to do with not wanting to wear out my welcome, ‘cause I'm still in the same place I was 5 weeks, 6 weeks, 7 weeks ago, and don't want to bore people with my lack of movement on what's happening. In fact, I'm in worse place now than I wa [...]

What constitutes control?

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Control is something I was accussed of, but as you may expect I don't think I was guilty of. But I'd really like to see what people, probably mainly female, view as being controlled. When I mention her accusation to mutual friends, some have come back with the view that it was she who came across as controlling.

I know that what one person views as controlling, another will view as normal, and I'd like to get a range of views.

H [...]

Damned Men

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Don't get too excited girls, this isn't a man hating rant (I am one after all) It's an observation of us men between 35-45. It seems to be about the age most men are ending up involved in divorce, damned if you like.

It struck me that we are a stage in the evolution of men that will soon die out. We were faced with unique dilemmas, entering in to our life relationships at the time we did. Those that have followed us have, in the main, excelled at the n [...]

To carry on from my last blog, a song

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

When I knew it was all going wrong, I heard this song on the radio on one of my long drives back up the M1, and filled up because the words were what my heart was telling me, but my head couldn't accept.

Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip - Look For the Woman (I hope this is considered fair use)

There's a weight over me today,
it's something I have to say,
love you too much to leave,
don't like you enough to stay.

My heads in [...]

To my wife, I wish you could read this

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

To my wife

You said that I'd died, well it was you who was killing me.

When you told me we were getting divorced, you said it was the kindest thing for us both. The kindest thing for us both was for you to stop breaking my heart, and love me without conditions.

I never stopped loving you, even when I didn't like you much.

You'll never see this, but better out than in.

Heath x

Resentment

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I have never felt so much resentment towards her as today, here's my list (it could be a long one!)

I resent her because -

I was at our local carnival with my kids today with tears in my eyes, because I wanted us all to be there (this is where the resentment kicked off)

She pushed me and pushed me into situations where she knew she'd get a negative reaction, only to throw it back at the end. It seemed she was looking for excuses, but I didn [...]

The Hardest Part

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Hi Wiki - Friends

Well the good news is that my BB will be on at home in 11 days, so I'll be around more.

Now on to the point of this blog.

I've now started to view my STBX as a separate person, living in a separate house (still difficult though)

However I cleaned out under the bed last weekend, and under there were the Christmas cards from last Christmas. Of course I looked at them, and felt so very sad when I saw the kids cards sent from Mummy & [...]

All Quiet On the Northern Front

heath.davis@hotmail.co.uk — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Hi All

Well it had to happen, the broadband finally got cut off on Tuesday, hence the radio silence.

As I said in a previous blog, I'll still log on at work and I'll be back online in about 3 weeks (?) at home.

Made a cracking spag boll the other night BTW!

See ya later & ATB

Heath