Blog Entries for JessieJ

New beginnings and messages from the 'other side'!!!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Hi Wikipeeps... old and new!!

I promised to keep you updated with the reconcilliation and its been a whole month since I blogged last..... Have you missed me???

Things are chugging along nicely, we are still living apart but spending more time together, we have had a week away in the sun (lovely!) and the kids are now on speaking and 'nearly affectionate' terms with him. It is not easy though, you can't just pick up where you left off, things have to be add [...]

Risk v No Risk!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Hi Wikipeeps ....

This is a blog to sort out my own feelings as much as to ask advice?

Many of you will have read my previous blogs but many of you wont have (personally I dont blame you they are just the ramblings of a confused mind!). In May this year my 'workaholic' husband left me because we were going through a bad patch ... we'd had a catalogue of life changing events including moving to a house that was a 'project [...]

The reconcilliation continues ...

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Hi Wikipeeps

Well I promised I would keep those of you who were interested informed... so another two weeks on and its still going well.

We are still living apart and I am seriously liking it .. In fact, I am worried I am liking it a little too much! We both have our own space, I have the kids, I am financially stable (if not solvent!). I do not have to cook, clean, wash or iron for him and I am not answerable to him. I do have the love, attention [...]

Thinking about sex!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Hi Wikipeeps

Well its been 10 days since my last confession .... sorry Blog!

Our reconcilliation continues ... slowly! It's strange there are no rules and after 4 months apart ... it feels a lot like a new relationship.

Last night, he was popping in with some bits for my sons bike and I was in the bath... when I realised the time I paniced and thought crikey, I'd better get dressed before he turns up ... durr Why? .... this [...]

16 Again!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Hi Wikipeeps.

Well, its official, me and him are trying to work things out. Since our wedding anniversary (25 August) we have been talking.... and talking .... and talking! In fact we have probably spoken more in the last two weeks than we have in 2 years.

I can't pretend its easy .... its dammed difficult to hear some of the home truths, and I know he feels the same but he has taken things on the chin, so Ive had to do the same.

We are t [...]

Thank God for Wiki!!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I was thinking today and it occurred to me, that if 16 weeks ago someone had told me I would be part of an online support group .... I would have thought they were barmy.

The old me thought that all things internet related like chatrooms, forums and blogs etc, were ... well... a bit weird. Well surely they are all full of weirdo, internet geek, saddo type people werent they???

How wrong I was!!!

Since I first landed at Wiki 15 weeks ago, it has been my new b [...]

Giving it a try!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Well, I said I would keep you all posted and for those of you interested ..... this is what happened on Monday ... my 18th Wedding Anniversary.

At 8pm after a miserable day feeling sorry for myself I got a text from him, telling me that it had been a 'big thinking day'! and that he had admitted to himself that maybe 'we' could be fixed and that .... if I still wanted to ... we should try and sort things out!

I was too frightened to text back for a while and wh [...]

Happy Anniversary!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Eigheen years ago to this minute I was a young girl getting prepared in my wedding dress looking like a princess. I was at home with my mum and dad and my family and preparing myself to go and declare my undying love to him in front of everyone that mattered to us, for better, for worse etc etc ..... till death us do part.

It was a hot and sultry day, my headress broke on the way to the church, the cake melted in the heat and the record we request [...]

Positive vibes or a hoax?

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

After weeks of doom and gloom and despair.. things have taken a subtle change..... He has started to communicate .... ok you have to look hard for it but it's there!

We spoke, face to face, on sunday, I was 'allowed' to touch his arm and comfort him whilst he sobbed! There has previously been an 'exclusion zone' in place. I have had texts in response to mine ..... ok ....not all the time but quite often. He has told me he wa [...]

Pray for rain ..... please!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Up and down, up and down and so it goes on.........

Finally finished the decorating yesterday, 6 coats of emulsion later (yes really - 6 coats!!) and the hall, stairs and landing are done ..... just dont look too close! Not a professional job by any means, but I did it myself, no help .... just me.

It was finished just in time for a visit from him! He was desperate to see the kids, they are giving him a hard time and not giving an inch in their quest to make him [...]

Painting the town.... magnolia!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

After my last self-pitying rant, I sent him an edited version of my blog as a e-mail, needless to say he didnt have the decency to reply so I decided to get up and get motivated. .... didnt last long though.

We bought our house 18 months ago and it was 'a project', our forever house (how ironic!) My husband did most of the decorating .... well, all of it if I'm honest (mmm does choosing the wallpaper and soft-furnishings count??!)

Anyway, with half th [...]

Feeling Sorry For Myself

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I'm really disappointed with myself today, If I step back 10 days, I was doing ok, feeling more positive and getting out having fun. Then 10 days ago he came round to see the kids and since then things have gone downhill. It hurt me so much to see and speak to him.

I'm now feeling like everything thats happened must be my fault ... well he wouldnt leave me if it wasnt would he ... especially as there is no-one else involved?

The [...]

Acceptance?.....Maybe!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

For the first time today, I think I am truly starting to accept it's over. For the last 12 weeks there has been a glimmer of hope that maybe he will change his mind, wake up and realise he's made a mistake..... I don't feel that today.

I'm scared by the enormity of it all. I am going to have to be responsible for myself and the kids...just me with no-one to help or rely on. I've never had such an enormous responsibility and I'm petrified. [...]

Life ruined by an empty crisp packet!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Well, it's been 3 days since my last confession .... sorry ..... Blog!

Dont really know how I feel today ..... bit muddled to be honest. I've had a bit of a 'spat' with him over the last couple of days but woke up this morning to a text that was very nearly an apology!

I saw my Counsellor yesterday, this was only my first real appointment but I do think she is going to be helpful. I dont know how to accept its over and dont know how to move on. I [...]

If patience is a virtue ... i'm done for!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

After yesterdays glimmer of hope, I think i've gone and blown it...... again. How stupid am I!

I tried so hard but this morning after a full ten hours of relentless dreams about a happy ending. I went and bloomin text him, not just once .... three times in a row.!!!! So angry with myself now ... why dont I take my own advice ...Why cant I learn to be patient, back off and just let things happen.

I think its because everyone, at work, at home and m [...]

Heading for a fall .... again.

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Oh god.... Yesterday morning I was strong, in control and accepting it was over and then it happened...

He called in the evening and asked if he could come to the house as the no contact with the kids was not getting sorted any other way. I said I couldnt stop him, so he came.

He spent some time with the boys explaining that he loved them, missed them and wanted to see them. He cried a lot too.

He then came into the lounge to see me and although he [...]

Cant get off the roundabout!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 01:00:00 +0100

I used to love weekends, the freedom, the me-time and the us-time. Not now.... more a case of too-much-time!

I have spent the morning killing time, looking at property for sale, working out possible settlement scenarios, justifying whats reasonable, whats not and trying to work out whats best.

I still dont know whether to move or stay put ... house prices not helping! It doesnt feel like a happy home anymore but it's a nice home as opposed to a not-so nic [...]

Lifes a Beach!!

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Well, day 2 of my new blog!!

Today I head down to the beach after work for a couple of hours 'quality time' with my kids. First people I see are his family.

I'm trying to maintain a good relationship with them and them with me ..... however, my ex is now accusing me of turning the kids against him (see earlier blog for details). I found myself in the position of defending my actions to his family. I did quite well really and told them tha [...]

Where do I start ......

steve@rigdens.wanadoo.co.uk — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0100

Hi everyone.... Although I've posted a fair bit ... I'm new at blogging so bear with me.

My situation is .... 10 weeks ago, after a few rough months, my Husband announced that he no longer loved me and had been unhappy with me for some time .... he just failed to mention it before!!! Oh and the fact that up until a week before he was still telling me he loved me was apparently a clue - silly me!!!

We had been through a really tough couple of [...]