Thanks for that message - shouldn't tar all men with the same brush, I know. Got the decree nisi thing today so feeling very happy and even let the kids have a sip of sparking wine, closest I can get to champagne.  The name change will be a big deal and it will feel different. What will have to stop is my ex, phoning for advice re his girlfriend - does noone else think this is strange - he thinks there's nothing wrong with this, we're still friends etc but I have told him it's got to stop.  Any ideas on how to persuade children to spend time with their father that doesn't involve money - at

It takes a major, lifethreatening illness to make you realise that you're stuck in a relationship with someone who was just waiting for you to die so he could get the house - sorting out this divorce was the best thing I could have done and I am surprised how determined I have become. We have shared care of the children but they have to be persuaded and cajoled to go to their dad's. I even got them guinea pigs to keep at his house to get them to go over but he couldn't look after them either so it was a case of guinea pig rescue and they're now in my garden, with my terrier thinking dinner