He just called to check on me.

We talk everyday about practical things. He calls me, I never call him. I text only if I have to.

The thing is, when he calls, it feels as if he's doing me a favour. I feel as if he's thinking "oh poor Rani sitting there on her own, no one to love her or to talk to her , so I'll check on her.."

I am not angry. I am sad 

I am sad that he feels this way. I am sad that he makes me feel this way. I am sad because I am alone and unloved. And I am sad that he takes this for granted and is certain that neither he nor anyone else would want me.

So I continue to look as I

evening Mr Blogman and wiki peeps...

well what a crap rubbish week ive had !!!

had mum and hubby round for dinner tuesday night all went well until i told mum i was spending xmas on my own here at home...

i want it more than anything, want them to come to me for breakfast then for them to leave and me to have my own special xmas day...doing what i want to do, watching rubbish tv, drinking bubbly - all day - and eating yummy food..with my cats........

god aged 41 and have never spent xmas day alone....it might be the only xmas i get to do it, plus the fact that i simply cannot do the family thing

I wrote this poem on September 23rd, just less than two months after I left home.

So it's over

Eighteen years sixteen days exactly

Since the day I first set eyes on you

And gave you my heart and love

So it's over

My head accepts

My heart is quite another matter

It cannot quite believe

That you have exiled me

From your life and love

Without so much as a blink of the eye

an intake of breath

As if you were merely stating

I'd rather have fish and chips for tea

So it's over

You have moved on with rapid speed

Not once looking back

You advise me to do the same

Let Go

It's unhealthy to cling to the Past

Look to the