I wrote this poem on September 23rd, just less than two months after I left home.

So it's over

Eighteen years sixteen days exactly

Since the day I first set eyes on you

And gave you my heart and love

So it's over

My head accepts

My heart is quite another matter

It cannot quite believe

That you have exiled me

From your life and love

Without so much as a blink of the eye

an intake of breath

As if you were merely stating

I'd rather have fish and chips for tea

So it's over

You have moved on with rapid speed

Not once looking back

You advise me to do the same

Let Go

It's unhealthy to cling to the Past

Look to the

Had a visit from social services tonight, mainly to see the children.  I think the social worker was quite surprised to hear what has been going on and rather encouragingly said I was doing the right things.  Both oup GP and the school have raised concerns - about time too.

This morning I was given a note, via the children that she was too drunk to take the children to school and so would I take them or get a taxi arranged!

I think it is all starting to move forwards a little now.  Court date set for January so at least I can begin to see and end to at least part of it all.

Just a wait now to

I know I need to move on and start to think about the divorce. But I still can't get past the feeling of just not wanting to. Trying to work out why this is: I know that a part of me still loves him, but I also know that a part of me is just mourning for the marriage I wanted and dreamt of. The sort of marriage that my friends seem to all have - although I realise that what goes on behind closed doors might not be the same I imagine!

I also know that part of my reason for not wanting a divorce is not wanting to make it easy for them - I don't think I could bear it if they went off and got