Thoughts about family and friends

First - my sister. I cannot come to terms with how little she's been prepared to help me and it's a source of great additional hurt to me. We were such good friends but she hasn't felt able to help me. We were SO close and did lots of things together and I was always there for her. Sometimes we'd ring each other several times a day.

When this happened she came over the first day and was strong. I was a wreck and she took me to the Dr's and told her, 'You see she's always been the strong one sorting out other people's problems and now she needs help.' I was so relieved. She had acknowledged what I knew to be the truth. I felt comforted. WRONG!

Since then she's distanced herself from me. She can't cope with me so upset and distressed. I stayed two days and then she said she thought I ought to go and try it back at the house as 'You don't know what it's like till you've tried it.'  It's been hell on earth and she has never asked me to stay there even just for respite. She knows I've been living with friends here and there, living out of suitcases and bags in the boot of the car. Friends have said, no need to fear not having a roof over your head, come here to us. But I wanted my sister to say that. I've made jokes about being the bag lady and which bags are the best for storing sweaters and shoes in the boot, but it hurts so much.  I've had to accept what she's prepared to offer and be satisfied with that.

I go over to go shopping and she'll ask me to stay for a meal but that's every 4 or 5 weeks or so. We never went that long without seeing each other before. She doesn't even call to ask how or even where I am. My daughter was always very, very close to her before too but she feels let down by this attitude.

 She lives in a huge house, 5 bedrooms and we could literally get lost going from one part to another. Is it her husband? Don't really know. He's always pleasant when I'm there.

I've had to literally force myself to keep in touch and keep it light-hearted. I don't want to quarrel with her and resent that the situation with my divorce has led us to this sad state. There. That's said and laid to rest.

My friends have been amazing! OMG what would have happened to me without them? Making sure I was OK; inviting me for meals; to meet other friends; inviting me to weddings; to meet for coffee,  as well as the serious stuff like accompanying me to the solicitor's and driving me to counselling when I felt too ill to drive. Sending texts when I began to get work assigments again saying, 'You can do this!'

My daughter is the most amazing person of all. She has literally booked flights at a moment's notice to come and support me. She bullies me sometimes into taking action when I feel too weak or simply too weary from all the thoughts spiralling round in my head,  but I know it's for my own good!! She's right most of the time! Bless her. I was so anxious about where I could afford to live with just half of the proceeds from the sale of our home but she and her husband have said they'll help me to buy a nice place, so I shouldn't worry.

Old, old friends, some from schooldays have been in touch when they heard the news just checking I was OK.

I've made lots of new friends too and I can't overestimate how much they're helping me. Friends on wikivorce have offered support and advice as well as sending friendly emails. I've been attending a Divorce Recovery Workshop and met some lovely people there. I know some will be lasting friends.  

Which brings me to the family of my ex and it's with great sadness that I have lost that part of my family unit. I had two step children who are adult now but who have chosen not to stay in touch after they each sent me very nice letters when I first contacted them after this happened between their Dad and I. In 21 years I got very close, the girl lived with us for two and half years. My ex doesn't want me to have any contact with his very elderly parents as he says it upsets them. They were only ever kind to me. I always send birthday cards and flowers to his Mum. I know he doesn't want them to find out the true nature of what he's done to me.

My ex doesn't expect me to have any feelings about them. I can't stop feeling a connection to them, that's not how relationships work for me.  

A friend who is a Buddhist tells me they believe that as we go through life we plant seedlings and when something like this happens we go back and harvest what we'd planted and that's why I have such good friends today.  A nice thought.