I remember jjones 123 always talking about creating new memories and rewiring our brain so I chose Rome for a break for my daughter and I.  Rome because it is one of the few places I hadn't been to with ex. 

It is the first holiday we have been, just the two of us.  It was very symbolic for me. I wanted to prove that we could do things on our own.  Ex was the type who used to organise everything and do mapreading etc.  We had a fabulous time.

At times it was hard being in such a beautiful and historical city surrounded by families, couples and lovers looking very much in love and happy.  When

Today I've had another concerted effort at packing, mainly concentrating on getting rid of old paperwork.  Normally I wouldn't dare throw away a single piece of paper in case it would be needed in future but today I thought what the hell, I am going to chuck away as much of the past as I can to feel unencumbered.

I came across an old will I'd made which in the event of my death would leave everything to the ex and our joint tax credit awards.  I expected to get upset but surprisingly I didn't.  I felt nothing and ripped them up with great relief and satisfaction.

Could this be the acceptance

This is the fifth time I will be moving since separation in 2008; sometimes the stuff seems to be less and sometimes seems to have grown all by itself.  But at the end of the day it is only stuff.  I wish I could just leave it all behind and disappear. 

Cos what I really want I can't have and going through all the stuff again just makes me sad.  Some of the CD plastic covers have his writing on still and some are presents he bought for me for Christmas or Birthday.  At the beginning I wanted to throw away all remainders but then stopped myself just in time, because to do that would be to