Am I Being Unreasonable?

I have been a member of Wikivorce for a few months now and have never written a blog. I suppose I have always been a little scared that I may reveal too much about myself and if by any chance my s2bx is on the same site he will recognise me, but what the hell, I will be speaking from the heart here and if he reads it and does recognise me then perhaps he will have a better understanding of why our marriage failed, or at least my conception of why our marriage failed. He is not entirely to blame, no one partner is but if he hadn't been such a controlling and jealous person (coupled with his heavy drinking, bordering on alcholism) perhaps we would still be together now?

Let me tell you a little bit about my life before my marriage. When I met my s2bx I was living in a lovely little mews house, just me and my beautiful eight year old son. I was a single parent, never been married before and struggling to survive. It wasn't easy and God knows I was lonely sometimes but I was far better off than many. I loved my little house, it was plenty big enough for the two of us and I had sweated blood to get where I was. I had been living there for just over twelve months I think and had at about the same time as I moved there finally landed myself a good job with a very good company. I am still there today but that is another story....

When I became pregnant with my son I was living in a little two up two down terraced house and knowing that I wanted to be full time mum I gave up work to raise my son. I didn't want to become a burden on society and stay in my home with the Social paying the bills (I have always been a stupidly proud woman) so I sold my home and moved in with my mum. I had lost my dad the previous year so it made sense to be in the same house as my mum as we would be company for each other.

I returned to work when my son was about four and a half and continued to live with my mum. It wasn't easy as I am sure you can all imagine, I am a very independant woman and it was difficult having two women in the same house, especially one being your mum. I am grateful to her though she was there when I neeeded her.

When my son was growing up I rarely if ever went out and I had made my mind up at a very early stage that I would never subject my son to a series of "uncles". It was many years before I had close relationship with a man.

So there I was in my little home with my lovely son and I craved love and affection. I wanted someone to take care of me, hold me and tell me that everything would be alright. That's not a lot to ask is it? Call me a romantic but I have always thought that there is someone for everyone in this world it's just that you need to find them or they need to find you and if you find eachother then you are so so lucky. With hindsight I don't think I have yet found "my other half" perhaps I never will and if I don't I will at least live the rest of my life without being controlled by a man that professes to love me with all his heart yet wants to, figureatively speaking, "tie me up in chains".

My s2bx didn't like any of my friends, in fact he didn't like anyone that came into contact with me. All he wanted was to have me to himself, he even hated the TV as it took my attention away from him. He hated that I loved my job, I think he even hated the fact that I was doing so well and rapidly approaching the same level of income as himself. We had a good standard of living, we were by no means wealthy, far from it, but we were at least able to enjoy nice holidays together (time permitting).We were together for two years before we got married, I should have seen the warning signs then as they manifested themselves many times before we tied the knot. I was very naive as I honestly thought that his jealous outbursts would lessen once we were married. I never gave him any reason to not trust me, one of my best qualities is being extremly loyal even to the point of stupidity as perhaps I may have missed an opportunity to find my "other half" if I hadn't been so loyal in the past. Anyway, we were happy most of the time I started to think that maybe this is what all marriages were like, at least I had found someone that worshipped the ground that I walked on even if that love was totally suffocating and didn't allow me to be me. I always told him that there were three parts to a marriage, you, me and us, but all he could see was us. He had friends too before he met me but slowly he lost touch with them by his own instigation, foolish, foolish man! Everyone needs friends, to talk to and confide in. My s2bx made sure that I too lost touch with all my friends told me that I should not look back in my life, only forward. I was made to feel uncomfortable if I talked about anything prior to meeting him. I know now that he has serious personal problems, totally insecure and needs professional help I only hope that one day he gets it for his own sake. I ended my marriage for the sake of my own sanity and after asking myself if I wanted to spend the rest of my life like this and of course the answer came back "no!"

If you are still reading this ridiculously long blog then bless you, it is leading somewhere I promise! It's making me feel better anyway. Funny how writing things down makes you put everything in perspective isn't it?

The situation now is that we have got our decree nisi and in just a few short weeks we will be divorced. Obviously the time has now come to sort out our finances and that is where I think it will get horrible. Apart from the fact that I wil have to sort out a new solicitor as the one I used for my divorce is rubbish I am upset that I don't think for one minute that my husband will act fairly. Or perhaps it is me that is being unreasonable? Hence this blog? Until I get a new solicitor who hopefully will be able to give me good and correct advice I really don't know what to do.

I have a real "bee in my bonnet" about the fact that all the money that went as a deposit on our marital home was from the sale of my little mews house (and we are talking a lot of money here). Am I really being unreasonable to suggest or in fact feel that that money should be taken out of the equation before any joint assets are divided? My husband has his own business and told me that as he had it before we met it was nothing to do with me, but I had my own home before I met him so how can that be different? I will tell you the difference, as I see it. His business does not have my name on it yet our joint marital home does. His business is no longer a limited company it is now only a partnership. The value of his business is only in the his share of the bricks and mortar (of which I am entitled to half). I would happily leave this alone if my deposit was returned to me. I can't forget that even if after the deposit was deducted from the equity in the house and that was split 50:50 he would still be onto a winner as he would be receiving equity on my deposit. He also wants to go after my pension (he cashed his in a while ago as it was rubbish and virtually worthless) and as far as I am aware he doesn't have another one. My s2bx can lie through his back teeth without any qualms whatsoever yet I am unable to tell lies and want everything above board and honest.

The daft thing is is that half his share of his business property will probably be worth more than my deposit but I really don't care about that, all I want is back what I put in, no more no less. I telephoned him on Friday, the first time that we have spoken to each other since November and asked if we could try to sort this out without going to court but even though he agreed it would be better all round he will not give in about my deposit, so it looks like we are heading to the courts afterall and we will be both worse off because it it!

Can I just say before I go any further that owe a big thank you to rosiegirl that this blog is here at all.  I had spent ages typing it and then stupidly lost it, it it hadn't been for her already having read it and sending it back to me I would been in bits. Silly I know but nothing has gone right this weekend and I feel like the proverbial!

Anyway, I think have gone on enough don't you. Am I being unreasonable?