My wife told me last Sunday night that she was finding it difficult to look at me, as she apologised on the phone for being uncivil when she's at my house. I didn't understand what she meant by it, but it left me strangely calm.

On Tuesday night, she called and asked to speak to me. She was going out that evening, but wanted to come in for a chat. My heart started racing, thinking this was the divorce papers on the way, and at least she was good enough to hand them to me herself rather than them arriving by post.

She's volunteered to come to counselling with me - she said, we both know where it

Weird week, haven't seen my wife much or heard from her much this week. Still heard nothing about the divorce, so still in limbo.

My wife did invite me down to eat with her last Thursday, to talk about the children's parents' evenings, which was nice - it was lovely to spend some time with her, but I'm still not sure how I should be with her after she called me false before.

She's just taken our two youngest children to her house for a couple of hours - my eldest isout for a walk with his girlfriend, so the house is empty but for me. She looked lovely when she just came, but wasn't very

Woke up far too early this morning - 4.30 and no sleep after until having to get up for work. Feeling low today, even my counsellor hasn't lifted my spirits as much as normal.

Busy week ahead, but still feel empty at the moment. Off to two parent's evenings in the next two nights, to hear how wonderful my kids are (!) - which they are. Can't shake this feeling of no future though, just blackness. A little glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel would be really wonderful, but I think I'm some way off that just yet. Hate the thought of being alone for the rest of my life.

Gym after parent's