Time for some good things.  Today was great, positive meetings this morning and playing this afternoon.

Despite the really awful weather I have been driving a Morgan Aero 8.  For the non car ones reading this is a serious sports car with a 4.4l BMW V8 engine in an aluminium 2 seater.  It goes like stink sounds, fab and costs around £80k.  I have never driven anything this fast or exciting.  How sad that I am going to be stoney broke for a very long time so it will remain a dream but with some great memories from today.

Back to reality now.   Walked the dogs in the rain and now getting the third

Now I'm home-sitting here having a cry.

We were civil to each other-he was keen to tell me all about how he was doing etc, but I said I wasn't interested. We had arranged to meet to sort out how we can progress to the future. Making agreements that are acceptable to both of us without clocking up horrendous sol fees. That, we both agree on.

I'd put some 'slap' on, + dressed smartly-I wasn't going to meet him looking a mess. I am upset now, because he looked really good-like the bloke I loved + fancied passionately. I wanted him to take me in his arms + hold me, but that was never going to

I have read with interest the bloggs today, and i think there is a very reflective content to them all, they cover such a range of emotions and blame, blame on ourselves, us , the people that have been used, hurt, controlled, abused, and lied to, yet we still all have a sense of questionable guilt as if we could have done more to make things better. WE are the ones that have tried to make things better, for our kids, and sometimes at our own cost our partners, and probaly lastly  ourselves. We all spend too much time analysing what we could or should have done, i am my own worst enemy at