well shes back....

she came back from spain, tan was not upto her usuall expectations, shame...

i mentioned we had an offer on the house, but it went in one ear and out the other at the momment, maybe they have had another of those up and down momments, she was not happy, you can tell, all through this relationship/affair she has never ever appeared happy, really dont get it, however its scotts birthday tomorrow, and he wants us all to go out for a meal. Me , his mum, his nan, sarah etc.

The strange thing is we did this so often before , and i didnt enjoy it for obvious reasons, this time i have no issues doing it, i see her only as scotts mum and thats all,

i think it is hurting her to see me be so calculated in the way i m dealing with her at last, she has had totall emotional control over the situation and things are changing, she once said she could carry on living both lives through the deciept, i dont get that,

if anyone else has experianced this then plese let me know.

i dont get the fact that they cant live together all the time, they tried and it has failed everytime, personality issues apperantly, sounds like a good foundation for a relationship eh.

she cant understand when i say i want nothing to do with her, no friendship, no best friends which is what she hopes, and that i will allways be there for her.

i am here for my kids , thats all, oh and me for a change, and yes i look out for HER mum.

Now ,she i think is hanging onto a thread, like i was, but i have cut it, and she does not like it.

she will end up sad and lonley, do i care, yes i do, its my nature, but you can give your heart to someone for so long regardless of the pain, but when its had enough, its had enough and its time to fill it with new happiness whatever that brings, life is too short, dont fill your heart consistenly with the pain and anger of the past, grab the goodness that is out there and build on it, dont keep looking for revenge thats not right, look for your own pride and self esteem, that will make you better and happier far more than costantly trying to hang onto the past for the answer.

enjoy the rest of your weekend

ricky