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Feb 01
2012
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Horrible feelingsPosted by caz2011 in depression loneliness, bad day |
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Lately ive just felt so so alone and dont know were to turn for help ive got no real friends my kids but im sick of putting on them they have there own lives. I dont want to go on meds i just want to find friends idealy would like to start work applied for 10jobs still waiting for crb coming through i just feel at the min i just want to go to bed and not wake up dont want to end my life just dont want to wake up, these feelings i have are pure loneliness people keep saying im strong im not im the softest person going i cant even hate him i love him so much and if he came bk i would take him back im afraid to say god i miss him and love him so so much it hurts feel like its taken over my life now
Comments (10)
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Mitchum
said:
| February 02, 2012 | ||
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((((caz)))) I bet every single one of us has felt like we just can't do this any more. Pretending to be strong when we feel weak and vulnerable. It's natural when you've put your whole self into a relationship to still feel the love which you can't turn off. It doesn't just stop, in spite of all the hurt. Stay in touch with wiki friends who will become real friends in time. Some of my closest friends now, I hadn't even met when this started. Some of my old friends and even relations weren't there for me when wikifriends were. It's very hard to go outside your usual comfort zone but accept all invitations, even those you think you won't enjoy. I have and met nice people along the way. OK I probably won't go to some things again but put it down to experience. You're still in the early stages and the hurt is still very new. Take credit for getting this far and keep moving forward. We're right beside you. xx |
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flowerofscotland
said:
| February 02, 2012 | ||
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caz2011, I know exactly how you are feeling and I can not wave a magic wand, although I wish I could, to make your pain and isolation go away. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you, as I totally understand your pain, I really do! It is the hardest thing, I think, during this whole process, the loneliness. Where our lives and homes were once filled with the laughter and the comings and goings of others, family and friends alike, we now find ourselves totally deserted and alone. I have no encouragement other than in the early days it is hard to get out of bed and you also do not want to rely too heavily on others as they have their own lives, but I think it is only with time that will start to allow us to fill our lives again. Do not be too hard on yourself, it was not your choice that you find yourself where you are today. I too understand the friends thing, my life was filled with friends before D-Day, but as soon as my STBX's adultery was exposed, some of them including my once best friend who had been harbouring his secret for a long time, took to the hills never to be seen again. So I do get your pain, I really do. Other than going to work, coming home for the kids, I have nothing but the emptiness for what I once had. Do I miss him more or do I miss how full my life once was? I am not sure. It is not easy to make small changes, but you will, you will keep going because you are too valuable not to and regardless of how busy your children's lives are, they will always need their mum. I am sure that there will be loads of advice and support to follow, unfortunately I am not best placed to offer any at the moment on the best ways to fill in your time. What I will say is you have to hold on to hope that with a lot of TLC towards yourself, things can only get better. Take care for now FoS x |
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caz2011
said:
| February 02, 2012 | ||
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thank yous so much just feeling low today hoping this is not my life fed up with it all | |
scaryclairie
said:
| February 02, 2012 | ||
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Hi Caz - I know exactly how you feel. I used to try to think in the morning - if I can get through today then tonight I will be a day closer to feeling better. If I'm honest some days I still feel like that but some days do feel better - honestly. Huge hugs. Mitchum is right - wiki friends have a way of becoming real friends - as if by magic. | |
scaryclairie
said:
| February 02, 2012 | ||
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PS - I've probably said this before but have you looked at Paul McKenna I can mend your broken heart? - I know Killbill and I chatted about this with you or Carlykav? Anyway - is reading the book and listening to the cd at least a start to taking control? Just a thought. True to form I've listened to the cd and not read the book - but today I've promised myself I will start the book at the beginning and work through - because I am sick of still having 'conversations' with a man who has 'left the room'....and in reality had, long before he left the marriage. | |
ascatfish
said:
| February 02, 2012 | ||
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Hugs caz. I know how it is - you head says "move on" your heart says "but I love him" and its this that causes us so much pain and indecision. I wish i was nearer because I would be either round like a shot or telling you to come round mine (more likely given the kids!) I count you as one of my new friends , so hang in there girl. get up even if you dont want to, because I will be doing the same and it'll feel easier if you are doing it with me even if we are miles apart x | |
Canuck425
said:
| February 03, 2012 | ||
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I hope you can find joy in the every day. I understand the pain, really. Take care of yourself and do some small things just for you. Special things. Make a concerted effort to have more fun in your life. I have made this commitment and am doing ok at it - not great but ok. Take it easy on yourself. It's ok to be sad, lonely, frustrated, etc. I really believe that we have to feel this fully and then the next stage of your life will be that much better. |
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freefalling
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| February 04, 2012 | ||
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Hi Caz, Hope you're feeling better today. I don't know why we have to go through these things but I read this on my desk calendar at work and it really helped. I have written it down on sticky notes and stuck it on my fridge, my dresser mirror in my bedroom, my bathroom mirror and I have one in my handbag too. It's not a cure but it has helped a little. I really hope it helps you too. It's written by Anonymous: "I can not change yesterday, I can only make the most of today and look with hope toward tomorrow." I think the key word here is HOPE. Take care x |
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scaryclairie
said:
| February 04, 2012 | ||
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Hi Caz - I just thought I'd follow up from free falling and say I hope your day good too - or just ok - My stbx Mother in Law is a lovely lady in many ways - when this happened she said......say this to yourself everyday......'Something nice is going to happen today and I am going to make it happnen'. It can be something small - I often buy little plants for myself at the supermarket, - phone a friend - what was you hobby when you were a kid - could you revisit that? Something gentle. Take good care - and whatever your day holds I hope you are ok. sc | |
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