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Oct 01
2010
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Piggy in the middlePosted by Ripley in dealing with emotions, children |
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My youngest son is having a real tough time with us grown ups. I know he is 23 years old. But he is not like any other 23 years old, he is very senstive. I feel for him so much. My husband is texing him to say he won't be home , so when i walk through the door Ian (my son) tells me that dad is not home for tea and my be out all night. This is the second time my husband as down this. (At the moment we still live in the same house, but seperate bedrooms)
Ian is playing piggy in the middle and I don't like it one bit. Not only that Ian as said that he does not want to choose between his father or me to live with .As decided to go it alone. Part of me wants him to do this but there is this little niggle bit that wants him to come and live with me. Not only to help me out, but I feel afraid of letting him live on his own just in case!!!!
The just in case bit is that 5 years ago my brother_inlaw commited sucide, 6 months after that my son Ian tried to kill him self by driving very fast into a tree. Over a girl at a place where he worked at the time. He got help at the time, but i feel afraid to let him out of my sight if you know what i mean. I know I cant live his life and mine at the same time, but he holds all his feelings inside as if no-one can hurt him. I have said that during this difficult time we must talk more about what we both want and what we don't like.
He is going away on boxing day with a group of friends snow boarding, which will do him good. Because I don't think it will be a good Christmas, if he is already finding every day living in the house hard. I love my boys so much it hurts, but at the same time Ifeel not loved by them back.
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robinson25
said:
| October 02, 2010 | ||
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Hi its so hard to try and make sure the kids dont suffer. My son is 19 and just last night we had a conversation I didnt like.. He sees his dad about once a month and last week his dad and the girlfriend went on holiday, he told my son when and where he was going but then told him not to tell me!I had worked out for myself he was on holiday but didnt know where. i know it shouldnt bother me but sorry i am only human and it does especially when i am very short of money and this is their second holiday. My son lives with me and i think this puts him under a lot of pressure and in a difficult situation.he is piggy in the middle. i have asked his dad before not to tell my son things and then tell him to keep it a SECRET but he is so tactless, he doesnt seem to think about what he is doing to his own child. his girlfriend has two boys about the same age and i know he talks about them to my son, so tactless. | |
supercali
said:
| October 03, 2010 | ||
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Ripley, You are not alone in not feeling loved by boys. I too am struggling to stop myself "mothering" my sons, when they seem to think it's fine for stbx's g/f to skype to check they are ok, they don't understand that is my role and tell me to leave them alone. They need their own space, at any age. Your milestone will be when you are not living in the same house as stbx and you can concerntrate on your own relationship with your sons. This interim period is the worst for all concerned as everyone is vieing for attention. Robinson, the secrets can't hurt us, some people just need to apportion blame and justify their actions. Rise above it, my stbx has been to Serbia 5 times this year and paid for several airplane tickets for g/f to visit england and france. The sooner the financial stuff is over and the divorce finalised the better. Meanwhile, focus on the kids and your own life and the future. Supercali xx |
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robinson25
said:
| October 03, 2010 | ||
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Hi thanks supercali. i do try to rise above it but i suppose its still early days for me. This afternoon son went out with his dad supposedly for a walk but no they didnt, they went to the girlfriends for tea. i want her to have nothing to do with my kids but suppose i am not being realistic. My son who is 19 sees nothing wrong with his dad living with someone else, i have decided its a boy thing as my daughter sees things like me. never mind i have to learn to cope with it and rise above it, i am slowly getting better at it! | |
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