Well after 3 days walking the legs of the dog I'm not sure what I have achieved.

I have never felt so lonely as when I walked along the deserted beach with beautiful views of sea on one side, hills on the other and tears pouring down my face. Yesterday was a very bad day but today I have resolved to be stronger and push on.

Time away may be helping my family but the mind continues to race as far as I am concerned.

I text and talk to the kids as much as I dare - trying to act as everything is normal!!!!

However I have made some decisions I am now not going to use the W word from now on it's to

My blogging is getting less frequent, about once a week now.  Not that less is happening, just I am finding less opportunity to be on here.

So far this week we have had an argument about opening a door, me bringing some work home, who should walk the dog, why the children don't want cold chicken for tea, she standing over me while I take a call from my employer at 7pm telling me I am only paid to 5pm.  And to cap things off she locked me out on one night as I left to calm myself down.

In hindsight all pretty sad and laughable but when you are wrapped up in it it's a nightmare.

The children are

I know that all of what is to follow is going to make me sound really selfish but here I go................

I turn 30 on Sunday and whilswt part of me is dreading it, being 30, alone with a 3 and 1 year old, part of me was looking forward to it.  I was kind of looking forward to it and seeing it as the start of a new chapter in my life.

 This evening I had a phone call from my sister-in-law, we were chatting away talking about this kids and various other things.  She then mentioned that my ex and his new girlfriend had had their first baby scan last week.  It totally floored me.  He told me she