Can some one please give me some advice?

I have my final hearing for finances in a few weeks and the children one this week. I was awarded overnight contact 40% of the time.

I'm self repping and have received an offer via my extb solicitor.

She wants all the house (120K equity)- her solicitors words were 'she will endevour to secure a mortgage on the property thereby freeing me from responsibility'
Half my pension
£300 maintenance per month for life
CSA payments etc for the children
To continue paying for the family suite in the house
And for me to take out a life insurance policy on my life made payable to her for the rest of my life.

If I don't accept within 7 days I'll be required to be her leagal costs for all work, the solicitor and her barrister as it will have to go to final hearing.

Where is this all going to end up. At the moment I pay CSA at £300 already and £430 mortgage on the family home (she pays the other half) plus the suite. I then have rent (as I have no family near my children, bills, bar loan etc and I'm running at £200 further over each month. Plus I have the children 40% of the time.

On the other hand she took her s/e business and ceased trading (alledgedly though I still don't think she has but have no proof), ceased her full time job and removed all records from her employer 4 weeks after I left the marital home. Gone to work part time for minimum salary despite all her qualifications etc and has now since I got my contact order reduced her hours and therefore her salary yet further.

She had a spa break at easter and two weeks in greece. The kids didn't get a holiday as she wouldn't allow them to have the trailor so we could go camping or the sleeping bags so we've had to have day trips out instead.

She has a new partner who spends most of his time with his child and mine at the house I pay half for and she wants all of the above.

What do I do from here on regarding offers? I can't accept hers as I'd be bankrupt and couldn't even afford my rented house.

What happens about fee's as this is worrying me too? I want to see my kids and look after them but this is driving me to the point where I'll have to go.

T

Woah!

Doesn't want much does she?! The Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 states what the courts look at - however this doesn't always help as it can only be clear on the points taken into consideration. There is no actual template calculation for any of us to go by as each case is taken on these merits.

Looking at what you have listed as her "offer" (more like a demand) it does not seem fair in particular that she wants the equity in the house AND half of your pension.

The courts try and start at 50/50 but this can fluctuate - who the children live with and how old they are does play a big part - but the court have to take into consideration your needs also - to re-house yourself and also if you have the children 40% of the time that is quite a large chunk - the CSA make reductions on payments for this.

Why should you pay her maintenance? On what grounds? If she is able to work then there is no reason for you to continually maintain her - only a proportion for the children which the courts generally do not deal with - the CSA take care of that.

Don't cave in, if you can think about what you feel is realistic and fair to both of you.

Does she have a pension? By this time I would think you have exchanged Form E's and all will be declared on both sides.

Hope this helps a little... don't panic!

Hi Elizabeth,

Sorry I also forgot all debts are to be ignored too!

Unfortunately she doesn't have her own pension as her parents have money and she always stated her parents were her pension (yes I know in hindsight I should have heard warning bells).

Her form E has been like drawing teeth. She has non disclosed accounts, her self employed business as a 15 year fully qualified beautician and therapist which again she never paid tax on and doesn't really exist on paper (again I know warning bells)was forgotten and every time we come to court case she drops her hours and pay yet further. She had no employment contract or pay slips at all for long enough untill 2 judges had to order it. Her new job involves her working for friend.

When I left she kept all the house contents, I only took my clothes and my car for which I have a bigger loan on than it's worth. My rented house I had to set up from scratch which my parents travelled up from and helped me with as I'd promised the kids they could come over.

I contacted the CSA before the first financial hearing as she wouldn't accept the money I offered and instead insisted that the court decide it.

I was warned by a friend that the reason she did this was because if it went to court first then the court would have awarded a bigger sum of money to her which would have been more difficult for me to get adjusted when the contact order was put in place as i would have been seen to be avoiding my responsibilities which was anything but. I found out later she'd contacted them and didn't like the figure they'd quoted. The CSA despite their press where brilliant at helping me get this put in place before the court hearing and faxing letters acrross for the court and have been brilliant at adjusting it for my contact order too.

The first court appearence re money was 6 weeks after I left and she again tried to take me back to court 4 months later as she decided her bills and expenditure had risen from £2k to £3.1k (I was informed by the solicitor after my interim contact order that I only needed a slight increase in food money to feed two teenagers and one 9 year old but her bills weren't worth altering for that) even though I'd got my contact order during this period and was taking care of the children 40% of the time. This interim hearing was finally dropped as the final hearing was set for the 31 October and I proved without doubt I have no money but now I feel I'm going against too much.

I can't afford legal help as I had to drop out after three months (paid for again by my parents) as the bill had already gone to £4.5k due to the number of letters and court appearences. Who knows what her solicitor's bill will be? Which again worries me as her and her solicitor keep telling me they're demanding I pay for it all.

I feel I'm drowning and I know I've done really well in getting 40% of the time with my children first time around in court but it is getting so hard.

All advice is very very much appreciated.

T

Hi, hope someone else will be along to give you more advice soon but just wanted to say that my understanding is that it would be very unlikely that you would be ordered to pay any of her costs in the ancillary relief process. Not unless you had been really, really, really obstructive, so don't allow her threats to worry you on that score.

The 'offer' made sounds very unrealistic; if you post the information the site's divorcelawyer has indicated, you should get an idea of realistic offers in your situation from some very experienced people who post.

"If you would like advice as to what the likely outcome of a financial case on the dissolution of a marriage is going to be you need to post the following information:

Your respective ages;

The number of children you have and their ages;

How many nights the children spend with each parent;

The length of your marriage and any period of pre marriage cohabitation;

Your respective incomes;

Your respective outgoings;

Your assets - both soley held and joint;

Your liabilities.

Without this information the answer to "What am I going to get" cannot be given.

Amanda"

Hello nbm

Try not to worry your in the right place for free help and advice.

I agrea with Ephelia the courts use the 1973 martrimonail causes act when considering the asset split of the marriage, she can ask for the world on a stick it does not mean the court will give it to her.

The court would need a reason to issue a costs order against you for you to pay her legal costs.

Why is she asking for life time maintenance? again a very good reason would be needed for the court to order it.

It is important to understand the money part of divorce is seperate from who has the children and for how long, children cannot be used as a bargening chip.

Keep posting and give the details Ephelia (dl) asks for so more advice can be given.

hi,
please do not be too upset you need to be strong to be able to deal with this.It is a clear case that there are bullies in both sexes.She can ask what she wants if it is unreasonable the judge will see through it.With help from here you should be able to represent yourself.
good luck

Hi,

I've looked at those questions but my problem is that she's increased her out goings by £1100 in 5 months and reduced her income from £1900 a month to £700 since I left the marital home so looking at those questions it would look like she needed financial support from me. After all on paper I have a steady job, work full time and earn £2k per month whilst she is struggling financially with only a part-time salary.

Can some one confirm that the assets and debts are taken at the date of the form E as that worries me too?

Her solicitor has prepared an asset sheet and has convieniently increased her credit card debt as taken from the current statement i presume as it's gone up from the actual statement by £1k. Lost £7k from her bank account as has taken the balance from the statement produced 2 weeks before the form E not the one they were ordered to produce by the judge which was up to the date of the form E. There are a number of items like that and i just want to be sure that the asset sheet should be taken from the assets and debts on the date of the form e.

Does this also apply to income and is it taken from the date of the form e or will she get away with reducing her income again there too?

Many thanks for everyones help, i really do appreciate it.

T